One of my great anxieties is about time. I often don’t think I have enough time to do something I want or need to do. On Monday’s I go to yoga. I have to leave the house at 5:45pm. When I wake up Monday morning I start getting nervous knowing I have to stop working at 5:30. I usually don’t work long past 5:30 anyway but, somehow this fixed time sets the tone for the whole day which is: YOU DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME!!!
Sometimes, I set myself up by making fake deadlines. I’ll give myself 10 minutes to finish sewing something when there’s no reason to get it done in 10 minutes. Inevitably, the bobbin thread runs out or I make a mistake, like putting the fabric on upside down. Why do I do this? I think it’s just an old habit. I used to live in constant anxiety and sometimes, I guess I just get pulled back in.
Yesterday I gave myself a deadline of making 25 potholders in 3 days so I would have them ready for the contest on Plaid Friday. So this morning, between my self imposed deadline and yoga, I found myself in a familiar place. Once again, my deadline isn’t real. I don’t have to have all the potholders done by Plaid Friday. I don’t ship my work until I receive payment, so the potholders won’t be going out until next week. And even if I did have to get them done, I could always work as late as I needed to, to finish them.
So today, I designed and started putting together 17 potholders. Then, as if on cue, my iron suddenly stopped working and I had no choice but to stop. So now I’m off to yoga and pick up a new iron on the way. I think tomorrow, with my new iron and lack of deadline, will be a better day.