For the past few days I’ve been on the shit-train. Ya know, the place where whatever thought comes into your head it’s negative. For much of my life I lived on the shit-train, now I only go for a ride once in a while.
So this weekend, it was, WHAT IF WE DON’T SELL THE HOUSE? WHAT IF NO ONE COMES TO THE ART SHOW? WHAT IF IT RAINS? WHAT IF I DON’T HAVE ENOUGH TIME TO FINISH MY WORK! WHAT IF NO ONE EVER BUYS MY WORK AGAIN? ETC ETC it inevitably goes to I’M FAT AND I HAVE NO FRIENDS.
I know If I can think, WHAT IF NO ONE BUYS THE HOUSE, I can just as easily think, WHAT IF TEN PEOPLE WANT TO BUY THE HOUSE AND THERE’S A BIDDING WAR? or WHAT IF THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE COME TO THE SHOW AND IT’S A BEAUTIFUL WEEKEND AND EVERYONE HAS A GREAT TIME AND EVERY ARTIST SELLS ALL THEIR WORK!
This morning I decided to get off the shit-train. I’d get up early and get to my studio and start working on a streaming piece for the show…..but first I had to write out invitations and go to the post office (YOU BETTER GET THOSE INVITATIONS FOR THE SHOW IN THE MAIL IT’S PROBABLY TOO LATE ALREADY) and write a press release for the show (actually Jon wrote it, I just sat next to him and gave him the details, it would have taken me an hour to do what he did it in 10 minutes ,bless his writers fingers) and email it to all the papers (PROBABLY TOO LATE FOR THAT TOO MARIA) then I made a fire in my studio because it’s COLD and RAINY and is going to be COLD and RAINY ALL WEEK. On the way out, I took my cup of dirty red buttons back to the house to soak in warm soapy water so I could use them on my quilt.(THE ONE YOU’VE BEEN WORKING ON FOR A REALLY LONG TIME MARIA) By now it was time for lunch and my bookkeeper called and said she needed some important paperwork (THAT YOU FORGOT TO BRING TO HER LAST WEEK WHEN YOU WERE IN TOWN MARIA) and could I bring it to her. So I ate some cold noodles and checked the fire in my studio, (WHICH NEVER TOOK BECAUSE YOU PROBABLY DID SOMETHING WRONG). On the way out I saw the unopened Christiane Northrup CD The Power of Joy on the table near my door. It’s an hour round trip to my bookkeepers, this was just what I needed.
So I took all Christiane’s tips about thinking good thoughts and imagining the stuff that happens in our bodies when we do. I took the dogs for a walk and let Lenore joyously romp through the mud hole instead of yelling at her to get out. And I thought I might not get to my studio today, but it’s ok, I’ll still have enough time to finish my work for the show.
One foot off the train.
Now I’m going to go do a dance (because as Christiane says, dancing works better than sugar or drugs) then try to joyously have both my feet on the platform when the shit-train leaves the station.