My plan was to design 20 potholders today. Four different types, five of each, collage, goddess, patchwork and manly. I have no idea what made me think I could design 20 potholders in one day, but I now know it’s a bad way to begin the day.
I started with the collage potholders, because that’s what I felt like doing. Four hours later I had three done and I only liked one of them. At this point I changed my goal from 20 potholders to 5. I wasn’t sure if I was just in a bad place in my head, hating everything I was making, or if what I was making was just bad.
I stopped working, I meditated, I cleaned up my work space (which was a mess), I threw the two potholders I didn’t like in the garbage. I still felt like I had to fight just to sit up straight, some invisible weight invading my body, then I saw the yellow plastic umbrellas hanging in my window. Shower favors, I guess, I bought 50 of them in a plastic ziplock bag years ago at a thrift store.
Then I saw her, the girl holding the umbrella. I didn’t get it at first, but the image was strong in my mind. I started to sew her. Then I sewed her again and again. Finally I got it, I was feeling so vulnerable, so defeated, but the girl with the yellow umbrella, she wasn’t giving in, she was standing tall, and taking care of herself. Her protection, (her weapon) an umbrella.
Like a super hero, a goddess, Umbrella Girl was born. Hatched from the fissure, the crack, the broken part of me. I think I love her.