I hadn’t seen the case in over a year, it was tucked away in the back of one of my draws. But now I saw it in my mind as I was getting a massage. The case held a deck of Tarot cards and on the front of it a friend had sewn two crows each with an end of the same thread in their beaks. That’s how crow first came to me that day and I understood the thread connecting crows as a way of communicating, like a tin can phone. I didn’t think about crow again until I heard the cawing. Not sure if it was coming from outside or was a part of the music in the room, after the massage I asked Mandy if she knew. But she didn’t hear the crow, she said it was probably just for me. As I turned to lie on my stomach and Mandy began massaging my back, I saw my spine sparkling, each vertebra a different colored jewel. I saw my arms covered in feathers, like those photos I’ve seen of Native Americans dancing in feathered arms and a bird mask. Then crow started walking on my back. I knew it was really Mandy’s hands, but all I could picture was a Mandy sized crow walking on my back. I knew I’d be Googling “crow” when I got home.
This morning it put it all together. Crow is a messenger often representing annoying habits or the darker side of ourselves. But also a pathfinder, developing the power of sight and transformation, releasing past beliefs.
This is something I’m continually working on, releasing old beliefs and looking inside myself to find my own truth. This becomes more of a challenge at different times of the year. And the holidays are definitely a trigger for my past beliefs to surface. This week they came in the form of me feeling really bad about myself. Finding fault in everything I do and not being able to see anything good about myself. So when I read about the meaning of Crow, it reminded me that I’m in the process of seeking my truth and that sometimes I lose the way and fall back on old ideas and notions of myself. And that not living in the old reality or sense of myself and finding a new way is not a bad thing to be doing. It was a reminder of what I already know but often forget. That the truth rests in my heart and I can’t rely on anyone but myself to understand it and trust it. And when I live my life according to it, I’m being the best me I can be.