I hadn’t seen the case in over a year, it was tucked away in the back of one of my draws. But now I saw it in my mind as I was getting a massage. The case held a deck of Tarot cards and on the front of it a friend had sewn two crows each with an end of the same thread in their beaks. That’s how crow first came to me that day and I understood the thread connecting crows as a way of communicating, like a tin can phone. I didn’t think about crow again until I heard the cawing. Not sure if it was coming from outside or was a part of the music in the room, after the massage I asked Mandy if she knew. But she didn’t hear the crow, she said it was probably just for me. As I turned to lie on my stomach and Mandy began massaging my back, I saw my spine sparkling, each vertebra a different colored jewel. I saw my arms covered in feathers, like those photos I’ve seen of Native Americans dancing in feathered arms and a bird mask. Then crow started walking on my back. I knew it was really Mandy’s hands, but all I could picture was a Mandy sized crow walking on my back. I knew I’d be Googling “crow” when I got home.
This morning it put it all together. Crow is a messenger often representing annoying habits or the darker side of ourselves. But also a pathfinder, developing the power of sight and transformation, releasing past beliefs.
This is something I’m continually working on, releasing old beliefs and looking inside myself to find my own truth. This becomes more of a challenge at different times of the year. And the holidays are definitely a trigger for my past beliefs to surface. This week they came in the form of me feeling really bad about myself. Finding fault in everything I do and not being able to see anything good about myself. So when I read about the meaning of Crow, it reminded me that I’m in the process of seeking my truth and that sometimes I lose the way and fall back on old ideas and notions of myself. And that not living in the old reality or sense of myself and finding a new way is not a bad thing to be doing. It was a reminder of what I already know but often forget. That the truth rests in my heart and I can’t rely on anyone but myself to understand it and trust it. And when I live my life according to it, I’m being the best me I can be.
Maria, you wrote so eloquently what I have been feeling lately. That crow has been circling here too. Have been “shoulding” all over myself with notions of what I’m supposed to be and do, especially now with the time of year and all that brings up. And feeling bad about myself because I’m not doing it “right.” By whose expectations? I’m not sure, but am striving to do only what brings joy and feels authentic.
Mind if I ask, is this cranial sacral massage? I met someone recently who is a practitioner of this form of massage therapy and I’m considering making an appointment.
It’s isn’t Sally, but I’ve heard good things about Sacral massage. Mandy always does energy work with me during massage. It’s almost always an enlightening experience.
I LOVE crows, and I consider them one of my power animals. It sounds like you were having a shamanic journey during your massage.
This is full of meaning! Crows (and Ravens) are powerful symbols and I find myself watching them, especially in winter – don’t know if it is because all the trees are bare and it is easier – and their noise travels farther, is louder?. I did a challenge a while back and had to research this fantastic bird … the Indians highly regarded this animal.. http://margaretbednar365.blogspot.com/2013/06/dverse-form-for-all-rondel-dark.html
Yes, I agree with all you say above about letting go of the past – define ourselves by the present and where we are going. And of course, we are often our own worst critic!
Thanks for the link Margaret, I’m eager to check it out.
Maria, thanks for sharing your struggle to love and appreciate yourself sometimes. I know it used to be much more often. I love this image! I woke up today discouraged because I didn’t stand up for myself…once again…yesterday; just at the hairdresser, but still…. I need to keep hearing your message to listen to my heart. I’m the only one who can speak my truth. Love the jewels in your spine and the crows. Perfect symbolism.
Crow brings messages to more than one realizes. Crow has bee a totem for me for some time. The message imparted to you, Maria, also rang true for me. Thanks for sharing this. It fit right into an empty slot I’ve been harboring, and the fit was perfect.
Maria, you are so amazing – not just your art but your insight into yourself and how you express it and be it. What an amazing soul you are…thank you for sharing.
Pat
Such an elegant piece.
I was so moved by your entry today…. I have had a livelong struggle with negativity and pessimism due to a not so gentle upbringing and various and sundry other life events too dreary to go into here. I am very glad you are seeking and finding your true self. You inspire me to do likewise.
Namaste. Btw the piece that is pictured is awesome!