I had been awake since 3:22 am. An hour and a half later, when I heard the birds start to sing, I decided there was no more sleep for me and got up.
I could already feel the heat that was coming with the day and threw on one of my sundresses with a light cotton shirt over it. No leggings, but a pair of wool socks to keep my feet warm.
Outside everything was still silhouette, except the moon high over the birch tree. It glowed in the blueing sky, her edges soft and fuzzy. Fate was behind me as I tied my studio door open so I could hear the birds and let the warm air in.
My studio was a mess. It often is. But this morning it was a mess in a way that felt cluttered and stifling. I woke up anxious and I think I wanted to try to put some order to my world. I also think I needed to shake up my routine a little.
And it seems to have worked. I spent the day working on my wall hanging. It just flowed. I was enjoying the work and it came together easily. On thing after another.
By 3pm I took off my wool socks and rolled up my sleeves. It was 89 degrees outside and just slightly cooler in my studio.
I thought about how fortunate I am to be self-employed and work at home. And to have a small stream in my back yard. I knew Fate would be happy to cool off with me. Turns out the Gulley Bridge is good for sitting on and dangling my feet in the stream as well as for getting over the water.
By the middle of the summer the stream will be just a trickle of water over rocks, but right now it’s flowing with spring rain.
After a while Fate went to the sheep who followed us into the back pasture. I stayed, watching the apple blossom petals floating on the water, rush past my feet.
I woke up anxious, feeling bad about myself, but the day of my own making brought me to a place of fulfillment and calm. It made me wonder why I don’t do this more often.
Good day, Maria – 3 am seems to be my time for being anxious and sleepless, too…less than 2 weeks to go before Europe conference, but can’t seem to find my bearings, my mind is all over, my head is confused and my soul is heavy, hormonal imbalance has taken my overall balance with it and has hidden it somewhere, sigh….new quilt looks awesome! Have been away while focusing on work and only now read about Red…oh my.
I would be doing the same if I were on my way to Europe soon. it’s the witching hour for sure. A friend told me that many monks get up at 3am to pray. I can totally understand. Maybe once you’re at your conference all your balance will return. For me the anticipation is always worse than the reality. Be good to yourself Sabina.
Hi Maria. I’ve come back to this twice now. I wish I knew why we wake up like this. Anxious. Thinking of things we don’t want to think about. I wonder what can be done about it. It’s good to know I’m not alone. And yes, you are one lucky girl. Sending hugs. I thank you for sharing so much of yourself with the rest of us.
Thank you Pam. Sometimes I can trace my anxiety and sometimes I have no idea.