I love watching the chickens plop out of the chicken/cat door in the morning.  So I thought I’d share it with you all.  Once out of the barn they waddle under the fence and over to the bird feeder where Jon throws them some special chicken meal.  It’s true, they are a bit spoiled.  And I think Freaky, the Swedish Flower Hen may be a rooster?  He/She (?)  keeps jumping on the other chickens.

I know, I wasn’t supposed to have any expectations about the past 2 days,(not very mysterious of me)  but I must admit, in the back of my mind, I did.  Fortunately, I was able to let them go enough to be able to see what happened that I hadn’t expected, or even had any awareness of.

As Jon and I walked past  Mountainside Tattoo in Bellows Falls VT, and Jon looked in the open doorway and announced that he was going to get a tattoo, my first reaction was to say “No!”.  Then when he said he wanted my name tattooed on his wrist, so he could see it, ( he already has my name tattooed on his upper arm)  Again,  I said “No!”

Of course he didn’t listen to me and I followed him into the tattoo parlor knowing I couldn’t stop him  and not really wanting to.  Why was I saying “no” anyway.  I have nothing against tattoos, I have one myself.  (the phases of the moon around my left ankle)  And what’s the difference between a tattoo and what I do with my work, expressing myself with words and images.

It wasn’t the idea of a tattoo that bothered me, it was the idea of my name being tattooed on Jon’s body (again!) that bothered me.  The word  COMMITMENT  screamed at me.  And two tattoos is DOUBLE COMMITMENT.

As I watched Jon go through the process of picking out the typeface and size, then seeing the letters inked on his wrist, (which all took about a half hour) I realized (duh) that we were already as committed as we were going to get, and a tattoo didn’t really make a difference one way or the other.  It’s a really nice sentiment, and fun and affirming, but it doesn’t change the way we feel about each other.

That was when I decided to get Jon’s name tattooed on me.  And this was the unexpected leap for me.  Before yesterday, I would never have considered tattooing anyone’s name on my body, especially a man’s name.  It seemed too much like branding.  As if having a man’s name tattooed on my body made me belong to him.  But without even thinking about it, without even trying, those old ideas vanished.  I suddenly no longer believed them.  And the panicky fear and doubt that made me say “No!” was gone.  The idea that I was not committed to Jon was absurd.  I know what love is and I love Jon and can’t imagine a time when I won’t love him.  (And I understand it’s possible this may happen, but if it does, the tattoo will be the least of it)

That’s when I saw it, a  red heart on my right ankle with Jon’s name in it.  Hardly original, a cliche really, when I got my first tattoo, 20 years ago, I would have gagged at the idea of it,  but now, it seemed just right.

So what really happened yesterday, when I was opening myself up to mystery?  I let go of some old fears and beliefs that weren’t mine anymore.  I trusted myself and Jon and our love more deeply than ever before. I opened one of those closed doors in my heart. I shouted, Yes, I will wear my love permanently on my body for all to see (when I’m not wearing socks and long pants anyway) and understand  the sweet sentiment of it as I never could have before.

When Jon and I first got together, we found an Inn in Vermont and spent a couple of days there.  Although it wasn’t far from home it was a hide-a-way, a safe place where no one knew us and we could leave our trouble behind for a while.  Of course this wasn’t entirely true, we were both going through divorces at the time and our panic attacks and worries followed us to the Inn.  But I remember getting a glimpse of what it would one day feel like to live our lives together more peacefully.

Since then we’ve gone back to that Inn many times.  And I can say my glimpse of the future, which helped me through many difficult times, was accurate.   Now were going back again and Jon and I discussed, as we always to when we go away, if we would bring our computers and blog or not.  At first, I said I was going to, I love to do little drawing of our room and post them on my blog.  But then I took a moment and thought about it.  And in my mind I saw the two days as an empty white space. And I somehow knew that what I really needed to do was to move aside and allow the two days away to happen around me.

I’m a great believer in taking action to make something happen.  But I also believe that there comes a point where we have done all we can do and we have to step aside and allow the Universe or Mystery (or what ever you want to call it) to take over.  It’s the  idea that healing and creativity come when we stop trying.  But we have to make space for it.  Not always an easy thing to do.  Like my yoga teacher says, one of the most challenging  positions is Savasana, the corpse pose, doing nothing.

So for the next two days, other than going to the Inn in Vermont, I don’t know what I’ll be doing, except have the intention to  make space for mystery.  For a change, I’ll leave it up to the Universe to “rearrange the furniture” without me.  And allow Mystery to work it’s magic.

My Mom looking at Chung-Ah's pottery at the Mother's Day Show holding a bag of homemade chocolate from Spoonful Catering

The Mother’s Day show was even better than I imagined it would be.  We had a steady flow of people from when we opened at 10am (Zaidee’s yoga class, which is held upstairs from the gallery, let out  and her students were our first shoppers) till about 5pm.  I got to meet Holly from Raquette Lake NY who owns a bakery and refuses to put my potholders to work. (Their work is to look pretty she says).  There was the woman who told me that Jon’s photos are even more beautiful and poetic then ever before and bring light to her life.  She couldn’t stay for his talk because there was a lilac pruning lecture in Schuylerville she wanted to attend. So many people thanked me and Jon for sharing our lives and I got choked up every time I heard it. There was the woman who just quit her job to raise goats and chickens.  She and her husband built their home from the trees on their land and even though they only have 2 goats, they already have a market for the meat.   I met an artist  who makes all her work from anything recycled, her earrings were made from soda cans.  Then there was the encouraging grandfather who wanted to get my “I Am Enough”  potholder for his teen aged granddaughter.  Someone else bought it while we were talking and I promised to make him another.  Oh what a lucky girl she is to have a man like that in her life.

Jon giving his inspiring and entertaining talk on creativity and photography

And at 5pm, when the crowds stopped coming, Jane, Nancy, Chung-Ah, Kim Gifford (she’s in the next Pig Barn show at the end of June) and I had tea (which Zaidee brought to us, thank you Zaidee)  and we sat around talking.  And I saw that hour with those women for what it was, while I was in it.  It’s what I’ve always wanted.  A safe and generous community of creative people where the conversation flowed naturally.  Everyone listened to each other and everyone had something interesting to say.

But really the whole day felt like something I’ve always wanted.  I felt like I was surrounded by loving people, and we traded that love and creativity and inspiration back and forth all day long.

Zaidee and I spent the morning hanging the Mother’s Day Show.    It’s tomorrow from 10-6 at Seventy Main,  Greenwich NY.    518 692-7041.   Here’s some of it….

Chung-Ah's pottery with my work and Babacar's paintings in the background

Babacar's paintings and Robin's Scarves and Jon's photos

Robin's felted flowers

Jane's pincushions

My Potholders

Tacking Turtle Quilt

It’s been a long time since I’ve worked on a quilt and it was such a pleasure to finish Turtle Quilt today. ( I’ll ship it out to it’s new owner tomorrow)  Lenore sat, scratching,  right at my feet while I was tacking it. I didn’t let her into the studio until the quilt  was off the floor or she would have laid down right on top of it.  I listened to 2 broadcasts of the radio show On Being (Sylvia Boorstein and Kevin Kling)  on  my ipad and at lunch was spouting off about Buddhism and Storytelling.

Turtle Quilt all done

When I was almost done with the quilt I got the feeling that I needed to do something different with the signature.  I never signed my first quilts, then eventually I stitched my initials.  But today I knew I wanted to stitch the name of the quilt, my full name and the date.  I wasn’t thinking about it, and I didn’t debate it in my mind when the idea came to me, seemingly out of the blue.

As I stitched my name I thought how strange it was that I had stitched so many words yet this was the first time I stitched my name.  It felt good.  The words come out slowly when I’m stitching them, each individual letter deliberate.  I spell the words out in my head, M…A…R…I…A… and it felt as if I were writing my name for the first time. This quilt has a name, I thought, and I made it and I want everyone who sees it to know.  This was such a different thing for me to do, I even used thread that showed up against the fabric so it was easy to see. But there it was, also the most natural thing in the world for me to do.  I gave my quilt voice,  I thought, my voice.

Detail from Laughing in a Sea of Donkeys

I made this streaming piece for the Mother’s Day show (This weekend from 10- 6 at Seventy Main in Greenwich NY, sorry, but I’ve  just got to plug the show) but Holly emailed me why it was just right for her and I just couldn’t resist her.  This happens sometimes, what can I say. Anyway I was so glad to get this photo from Holly yesterday.  I forget what I write after it’s done and seeing these words in the yellow “sun”  just made me feel good.  It was a reminder to me that I always have a choice about how I think about something.

Central Park and 5th Avenue

Jon and I were deeply effected by seeing Death of a Salesman on Sunday.  It was both the play and the performance that moved us.  Philip Seymour Hoffman was Willy Loman. And I felt like I knew him.     I saw the family  I grew up in, in the Loman’s.  In the anger and the lies and the voicelessness, and blind love.  The play was written in 1949 and they complained of the same things we complain about today, how nothing lasts as long as it used to, and there are too many people in the world and how our neighborhoods are being destroyed, how we are expendable in the work place, and how devastating getting old can be.

So needless to say,  we weren’t feeling great when the play was over. We were both kinda stunned and yes, I had to keep wiping the tears away. ( I do cry easily, but even Jon’s eyes were wet).  We had dinner and I was asleep by 9 o’clock.  (sleep has always been my way of checking out of life when I need to).

So the next day, we headed to Central Park.  We were still feeling off and decided not to go to the Francesca Woodman photography show at the Guggenheim (I’m not familiar with her work but read she committed suicide when she was 22) thinking we were depressed enough.  Walking through the park, we found ourselves at the Zoo. (I know that Zoos are depressing for some people, but the Central Park Zoo is one of those responsible Zoo’s that make me feel good) Then I realized it wasn’t an accident, but Jon’s plan all along.  Oh magic! sparks! and fireworks!  I fell in love all over again.  We found ourselves smiling and leaving the Loman’s behind.   Most of the animals were hiding or sleeping out of sight, (that’s how you know it’s a responsible Zoo, when you can’t see the animals)  but it’s didn’t matter.  We watched a snow monkey eat a cracker and saw a patch of polar bear fur and sat by the seals (I think they’re really sea lions) as they glided in joyful circles through the water.

One of the barely visible animals at the Zoo

I’m so glad I saw that play, it went deep inside of me and helped me make sense of my world, which great art can do,   but somehow I always find myself going back to the trees and rocks and animals.  I think that’s where I heal, that’s where I’m home.

Central Park Tree and Rock

Recognize the potholders? (actually both of them are already sold, but I’ll have others)  The Mother’s Day Show is next Saturday the 12th and I’m almost ready for it.  I have six wall hangings and  15 Potholders.  ( I really only have 10 potholders right now but will have 15 by next Saturday and I still have to finish off one of my streaming wall hangings)

But like I said, I’m almost ready.  I’m going to be at Seventy Main at 9AM next Friday to help Zaidee hang the show.  Then I’ll pick up my Mother and bring her out to the farm so she can be at the show the next day.   I’ll be there from 10-6 on Saturday to man the gallery.   And Jon, will be there, with Mom,  from around 1:00-4:00 giving his talk in between signing books and selling his notecards and some matted prints. (another of Jon’s favorite things to do is hawk his work, he’s definitely not one of those shy writers)   I know I’m going to get to meet some email friends for the first time.  One of them, Fran from Vermont, already has first dibs on my wall hanging My Dreams are Catching up with Me. (that’s the one I haven’t finished yet).

Five of the six wall hangings for the show with very visible words

The other artists and events are:  Nancy Bariluk-Smith , hand-made glass beaded jewelry and mixed media jewelry pieces with hand dyed ribbon, brass and gunmetal wire; Robin Blakney-Carlson, hand felted scarves and handbags made with fine merino wool and natural fibers; Jane McMillen, wallets, small purses, pin cushions and other small gift items; Chung-Ah Park, nature inspired pottery; Kendra Farstad with pastel landscape artwork and notecards; Judy Leon with alpaca yarn, roving and felted scarves and other alpaca items; Susan Quillio of Spoonful Catering will be offering a Spring Lunch Menu; 100 Mile Savory Pie gift pack & single pack; Mother’s Day gift chocolates. (I’ll probably buy my mom one of these)  There will be live music throughout the day, and Farmer’s  Market  outside   from 11-2.

You can click on  Seventy Main for more information (artist’s statements too) or call 518 692 7041.