My Heart

I went into my studio today not knowing what I would be doing.  It’s been over a year since I’ve done that and today it was intentional.  I wanted to see what would happen without any specific plans to create.

I thought of sketching, but was thinking of color and pattern so I took my basket of scraps that I’ve been using for potholders and started randomly  sewing them together.   It was a mess and I let it be, thinking by letting go of how I usually work I would discover something new.  I looked at it after I had sewn about 20 pieces together and really hated it.  It was just a bunch of fabric thrown together.  Nothing about was specific to me.  It was  ugly and messy.  I thought about doing more. I thought about saving it and looking at it later, but in the end I realized I didn’t have to do either.  I knew I didn’t like it and didn’t want to spend any more time on it.  So I threw it away. I threw out all the scraps of fabric too.  I realized I was tired of them and was just trying to get rid of them.  I did not want to create out of obligation, I wanted to create from my heart.

Yesterday a friend emailed me in response to my desire to do something different with my work.  She said that what we do well is a gift to be used.  As I considered what to do next I found myself pulling out handkerchiefs from a b0x someone had given me.  I laid them out and moved them around and ultimately selected four to work with.  I laid out a few quilts using the four then two then one.

Starting with the one I built a quilt around it.  Red and pink patterns with solid reds and printed blacks for accent.  I was patient with it, waiting for the decisions to come, not from my head, but  from another place inside of me.  I put pieces of fabric  down and waited until I knew if they were right or not.  Some were quick, others took many tries before I knew they were right.  When I was done I knew it.  I loved looking at it although I couldn’t say why.  It was like the places where  trees and plants grow in nature, everything was where it should be.