Any dirt road

We had our first big snow today, and as snow does, it changed everything. At one point ,while walking up the hill, I looked up and didn’t recognize a tree or a stone wall. I could have been on any dirt road in Washington County.

Later, as I sat working and watching the snow, I thought, as I often do lately, how good my life is. Usually this thought is immediately followed by me knocking on wood for luck, or thinking “now something bad will happen” or “I don’t deserve this.” I’ve also lived with the idea that if I have too much good stuff in my life it will someday end so it’s easier to just not have it at all. But today the thought that followed was “I’m going to enjoy my good life for as long as I can”.

I’m not sure where this thought came from. Maybe it’s the realization that, time is not what it used to be. I was faced with this idea again today as I tried to read the serial number on the back of my ipod but was unable to because the numbers were too small. Or maybe I’m just beginning to trust that it’s okay to be happy and I’d rather enjoy my life when I can and not worry about what might happen.

10 thoughts on “Any dirt road

  1. Maria: Beautiful view. Isn’t it wonderful how the snow ‘tidies’ up all the messy things about the world.
    I know what you mean about being scared to enjoy your good life, just in case…………. Enjoy it, Maria.
    We are only responsible for our own happiness, but sometimes that is not so easy to pull off. Peg

  2. A fantastic view–both out of the window and of your own evolution in life. I share many of the same sentiments. Happily married, finally, in mid-life, sharing a much calmer, saner existence. All too good to be true. I was recently reminded by a friend that the anxiety I sometimes get subside when I remember to live each day and stay in the moment. It helps immensely, as it does to hear from women like yourself that your experiences are similar.

  3. Yeah, me too. Have to retrain my brain. Stop thinking about the past, fearing the future. Start enjoying the moments because there are some really good ones and the simpler the better it seems for me. And we do deserve it.

  4. What a lovely photo. I see the good things in it. Kids sledding down the hill. A bird feeder just below the window ledge. A fine place for a quilt maker to perform her magic. Creating warmth for someone.

  5. Hey Maria, Rita’s enjoying her happy life and she has shed that sense of impending doom! Take a look at her strutting her stuff! Go for it Maria!
    kiss Frieda’s lovely head, Cindy

  6. Maria, don’t fret. Take your little bit of earth, and make it come alive. I’m thinking of Mary Lennox in The Secret Garden when she encountered Archibald Craven, her benefactor. Don’t know what I even thought of that!

    Happiness is what we make of it, it’s an attitude. You deserve this.

    “If one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere.”JANE AUSTEN, Mansfield Park

  7. I know exactly how you feel. Well said. Last year, I went on a small quest to learn more about happiness. In my exploration, I discovered Matthieu Ricard (matthieuricard.org/en/index.php/index/). I think you would like his philosophy and his incredible photographs.

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