I woke up this morning and could hear the spring birds. When I let the dogs out it was so warm I didn’t need a jacket. The snow was melting in little mud rivers throughout the yard. It smelled like warm earth and the donkeys were grazing at the top of the pasture with the deer. I thought about trying to capture the smell on my video camera.
Back inside the house, just standing there, I felt a muscle in my back tighten up. I wasn’t even doing anything. I told myself I’d do some yoga and loosen it up. Then I started to think about what needed to be done to get the Pig Barn Gallery set up for a show and I felt the beginnings of a panic attach coming on. I went to my studio and started sewing and half way through my potholder the needle seized and the machine shut down.
“Why?” I thought, “Why bother, doing yoga, meditating, eating healthy, trying to do good work, working on relationships, working on my own issues, when again and again, things just go wrong.” Then I thought of all those people in Japan and felt shallow and guilty for complaining.
I could see where this was going, it would be so easy to sit around feeling sorry for myself, to crawl into a dark corner and hide.
So, why bother? I guess life isn’t about being easy. I guess it’s about how we deal with what comes along, how we deal with the choices we make no matter what their outcome is. Maybe ease comes with acceptance and the ability to let go and allow for the world to enter our lives even when it’s inconvenient. And being open to everything that comes with it.