Goddess of Goods

Last night in my yoga class I started to have some strange thoughts.  First guilt and shame, and then I started thinking of different, horrible ways to die.  I became aware of my thoughts and blessed them and let them go…again and again.  On the drive home I remembered that when such thoughts come to me it’s because I’m afraid of something  I haven’t acknowledged.  I didn’t have to think too long, the next day I was meeting Diane for lunch to talk about the Online Gallery.

Before yesterday, I was just excited about the gallery.  I had my doubts but they were nothing compared to the ideas spinning around in my head.  Rationally I  knew I had nothing to fear, but while I wasn’t paying attention I got sucked into a bog of fear.

So when I got up this morning I decided to make my art work for me.  I would create a streaming pillow, an incantation to the online gallery.  I would use my stitches to conjure up the positive energy to recapture the excitement and creativity to override the fear.  The Goddess of Goods would squelch the thoughts that I was being greedy and didn’t deserve to have what I wanted.  I saw her with arms out, her hair like wings, happy and prosperous, generous and powerful.

The fabric, of course, was red.  When I finished the outline of the goddess and looked at what I had done, I saw that her hands  and hair were behind her back  This wasn’t my goddess, I didn’t want her here.  This was supposed to be a positive and empowering piece.  I almost threw it out and stated again, but realized she had come directly from my subconscious.   This is just what I was trying to do with my streaming pieces.

So I gave her a sister, attached by the hair like Siamese Twins.  She became a ghost of fear in the shadow of the Goddess of Goods.

I met Diane for lunch and  as we talked our fears soon turned to excitement.  We just scraped the surface of how the gallery  would work and who would be responsible for what, when we had to leave.  But we’ll meet again and continue the conversation.

I’ve gotten a few warnings, amongst much positive reinforcement, about the idea of starting an online gallery.  The warnings are valid and address some of my concerns, but the feeling in my gut tells me to move ahead, slowly, like the tortoise, one step at a time.

When I got home, I finished my streaming piece.  I found myself drawing cupcakes and and ice cream, fruit, sunshine and stars.



14 thoughts on “Goddess of Goods

  1. Maria,
    Great posting and a wonderful way to deal with fears. They can only win if you let them. I’ve never gone wrong in listening to my gut. Even when it means a few more turns in my plans, it’s either a learning experience or a growth opportunity. You’ll do great, can’t wait to see your online gallery!

  2. Ewww I do that too, the horrible way to die thing. I like how you solved the problem you had with the streaming piece. So cool that you didn’t throw it out but acknowledged what it meant and continued to work it through. What a pretty way to face your fears. I say move ahead with the online gallery. I think it’s a great idea. It will take some courage….but you already know you have that.

  3. maria this piece is brilliant. universal. truthful. bless you for sharing your creative thoughts with us.

  4. Stunning, Maria. And to be able to use your art as a vehicle to let out the demons and turn them into angels, well….how cool is THAT?!

    Continue to hear yourself. You’ve got your own answers.

  5. Maria,

    After being there for the art galley and bringing home our own pillow I am excited to see the online gallery come to be. I am looking forward to be able to send others to the gallery to see your creations. Good luck and Hold tight to the positive and possibilities.

  6. ZING! Kaplooey. ZAP!! Way to send that fear factor packing!
    The color, the message, everything about it makes me want to make that goddess mine. Is she already spoken for?

  7. Dear Maria, I think this is the most beautiful thing you’ve written. All of what you said is so meaningful. I feel almost embarrassed that I had not realized about myself that I also think very dark thoughts when I am afraid of something I have not acknowledged. Thank you so much, Annie

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