As most of you have probably already read on Jon’s blog, Rose died this weekend. She was in a lot of pain and hadn’t been herself for some time, we euthanized her on Friday.
I didn’t write much about Rose because she only came into my studio a few times. She could never relax there, constantly pacing and looking out the windows. But on Friday, she followed me into the studio and laid on the dog bed in front of the fire. She slept while I worked on a streaming piece about her. After a few hours she came to where I was working and looked up at me. I gave her a kiss, thanked her and brought her back to the house.
Rose wasn’t like the other dogs. She didn’t show affection like they did and her connection to Jon was intense in a way I had never seen before. It took me months to get her to take a walk with me and the other dogs if Jon wasn’t there. I always felt a bit special when she would come to me in the pasture. It was almost impossible to get her attention away from the sheep while she was working. In the house she would come up to me once a day, usually in the evening when I was reading, and give me a few quick licks on my face, then run back to her bed in Jon’s office. I don’t really like to have my face licked by dogs, but for Rose, it was such a great show of affection, I couldn’t resist. Sometimes I would lay next to her on the floor and she would show her belly so I could scratch it. But she always seemed a bit nervous so I wouldn’t stay long.
Rose was with Jon on Bedlam Farm long before I even knew there was a Bedlam Farm. When I think of all she did for him when he was here alone, I love her even more. She was so much a part of our lives I didn’t see that she was gradually deteriorating. I didn’t want to see it. It was only when Jon broke down showing his true emotions for Rose that I saw the truth. That he knew her better than anyone one, that they had a special bond and I could trust his judgement. It became clear to me then that Rose was ready to leave Bedlam Farm. I don’t think she would have ever been willing let go without our help.
I believe in the importance of change of moving on and letting go. And I like the idea of Rose passing over into the next phase of being. But it’s hard for me to imagine Bedlam Farm without Rose. I guess I’m not ready to let go yet. I can see her, even for just a little while longer, a spirit Rosie, herding spirit sheep around the pole barn and up the hill behind the house. Keeping an eye on things and chasing her imaginary squirrel a few more times.