Getting My Power Back

Ever since Thanksgiving, my head has been in a bad place.  Family/Holidays, I won’t go into details, and I know I’m not alone.  But it was getting bad, making me tense and edgy, then it started to move in on my work.  I was distracted, doubting,  couldn’t concentrate, I could feel it in my body, like the flu.

I have things that I do when I get into a place like this, yoga, meditating, talking, tapping,  but none of it was working.  I needed some outside help.  I’ve been to conventional therapy and spiritual counseling, and the thing that worked best for me in both was visualizations.  It was Mary Muncil who first mentioned Shamanic Healing to me and since then I’ve been intrigued by the idea.  So I went online and found someone who felt right to me.  Now all I had to do was call her.

Two days later, a few days ago, I was sitting at my sewing machine, staring at some fabric,  the idea of Making Space for Mystery crowed out of my head by angry, painful thoughts.  I was frozen, stuck in a bad place, I couldn’t even see what was right in front of me.  I guess I had had enough.  I got my phone and called Carol, the  Shamanic Healer.  We talked for about 10 minutes, I knew she was the right person for me,  I made an appointment to see her.

I immediately felt better.  My head was clear, I sat down to work and Bam! out came these new potholders.  Different from any I had made before.  By calling Carol, by taking an action that was good for me, I got my power back.  My doubts vanished, by body no longer ached and I was working without thinking,  creating images that left space for the unknown.  And I was having fun, like a kid playing when there are no consequences, when there’s no winning or loosing. Like Red doing an outrun when the sheep are in another pasture.  Pure joy.

Tomorrow I’ll see Carol, I don’t know what will happen, but I know it will be good for me and I’m looking forward to it.  I’m looking forward to hanging on to my power, feeling good, doing good work and loving the people who love me back.

15 thoughts on “Getting My Power Back

  1. It takes a strong person to get help. You are strong and brave and I love you for it. You never stop working to be better, more creative and to be good. To move beyond the narrow expectations of other people. You are all of those things already. Good luck in your soul searching.

  2. Maria, Thanks for this moving disclosure.Good on you for finally picking up the phone.(sometimes the phone feels like it weighs a hundred pounds.) I have a wonderful therapist who I see only infrequently now but he has helped me more than anyone ever has been able to. He always says to make that call. Do it. Just ask for what you need. Even if it doesn’t play out the way you wanted it to,you’ll feel better for trying. And you’ll know. It’ll take you out of the worrisome uncertainty place and you’ll feel grounded again.
    I agree the Holidays are difficult for many of us.If life were perfect I’d like to take an exotic trip with my man from the day before Thanksgiving to Dec 26th! Good luck tomorrow. Thinking of you, Cindy

  3. Maria,

    Am very curious about this. If you are willing to share, would love to learn more about your time with the shamanic healer.

    Janet

  4. I totally agree with the feelings…i just get ill when there is too much hubbub around me…or too many new things at once…confusion confuses me. My wonderful healer quit her work and i am a bit adrift..i remember her wise advise but miss the hands on work…some new seeking may be at hand…thank you for talking about this!!!

  5. Thank you for sharing Maria. This time of year is difficult for me too. I feel like I am falling into a deep dark hole and there are no healing people where I live — 250 miles from any large community. I am always so glad after the first of the year for some reason. Feels like I can start anew! Crazy isn’t it? Why can’t I start today? You are on the right path dear lady, I know you will do well tomorrow, and the next day too . . .

  6. Darling Maria, it seems like for me the thoughts return when it’s time for me to clear them on a deeper level than before. I can see where I have peeled away the layers until they vanish in the wind but those core issues are pesky! Sending you loving energy this morning. C.

  7. Maria, I admire this in you…always open and searching.

    If you feel so moved,it would be great to hear what you thought of the Shamanic Healing, but only if you feel moved to share anything.

    Thanks for an open and honest post.

  8. Family – we often can’t live with them and we often can’t live without them. I look forward to hearing how your time with Carol goes, and you are right, often just taking things into our own hands starts the healing. Peg

  9. Maria,
    I, like many others, have similar issues during the holidays. Right now I am reading “The Emotional Calendar” by John Sharp. Well, I’m listening to it in my car, courtesy of a book on CD for my long commutes to campus. I’ve found it helpful in becoming more aware of my issues and those of others as well. I highly recommend it.

  10. You have put into words what I have been feeling and finally spurred me on to climb out of the hole. Thank you for the needed push.

  11. Holidays are so difficult, few of us have a Norman Rockwell family. In our bittersweet relationship w/ our son, his wife, and children, I am pressing all my heart and mind toward having the sweet overwhelm the bitter. Thank you again for sharing your heart struggles with us. Annie

  12. The boots on that potholder look as though they are about to dance a jig. Even the laces have movement. They are darling. The whole ensemble is.

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