I was not in the best mood when I woke up this morning. I don’t know if it was the idea of sharing a burlap sleeping bag with Jon and George Washington that set me off, or the cold dreary weather (I’m glad to have the much needed rain, sometimes I just wish it could do it while the sun was shining) or just me. Jon serenading me with a improvised Broadway Show-Like song got me laughing, but it didn’t last long. So I can’t imagine how I was able to create this very colorful and cheerful pillow for Wendy to give to her daughter for her 40th Birthday.
Wendy asked me if I could make this pillow months ago, and for some reason I put it off till the very last minute. I knew I was going to work on it sometime this week, but I had no ideas about what the words would be. They just weren’t coming to me. Then it was Wednesday night, I was in my yoga class, not thinking about the pillow, I was actually feeling kinda bad about myself. Often when I’m doing yoga, old feelings and memories will surface. Usually feelings of shame or self loathing or painful memories. I allow myself to feel them then let them go, it seems to work. So there I as doing a forward bend when I was assaulted by these awful feelings about myself. And the next thing I knew I was repeating the words, I am strong I am brave I am beautiful over and over in my head. And as I came to stand straight up, I remembered the Goddess inside of me. I remembered how I called on her in some of my most desperate moments and she was always there.
When I sat down at my machine this morning, I knew what this pillow would say. Wendy had sent me a couple of her daughter’s old Laura Ashley dresses and I gave one to the everyday goddess to wear and made a cat from the other. I looked at the finished pillow mystified that my dark mood hadn’t tainted it. Actually it cheered me up to look at it. As if, like the Goddess that is always inside of me but I can’t always see, I had accessed the part of me that was feeling like sunshine. Maybe it was those bright colors on that Laura Ashley dress or knowing that Wendy’s daughter lives in Bermuda. Just thinking of all that warm sunshine makes me smile.
What is the word by the cat? What does it say at the very bottom? (I love this.)
The bottom say, I am strong, I am brave I am beautiful I am….
There’s a Full Moon tomorrow night Maria – one thing I learned about my own body around 40 years ago is that my attitude changes significantly when the moon is full. I get moody, I get weepy, I get depressed. I am so thankful I learned so many years ago what was causing those feelings as it really helps me to know why my moods change. I have all the Full moons marked on the calendar to keep me aware of when to expect this to happen. Hope you feel better soon. Bonnie (I’m 70 years young)
You’d think I’d be more aware of that wouldn’t you Bonnie? I’m going to pay more attention from now on.
“As if, like the Goddess that is always inside of me but I can’t always see, I had accessed the part of me that was feeling like sunshine.”
I just love that line, Maria….it’s what saves us in the end, right, our better, more hopeful selves, which rise up and allow us to be our true, more sunshiney, selves? Beautiful pillow…one that will bring great joy.