I was actually able to make some potholders and a streaming piece while at the Adirondack Museum. It was definitely different than usual because of all the people around me. Usually when make a streaming piece I do it uninterrupted and I get into a certain zone in my head. Making this piece I continually stopped to talk to people and sewed as they watched. It was a very different experience. My concentration wasn’t as deep, but I found myself sewing designs and images just for the sake of sewing because I wanted to demonstrate my work. I also found that it worked just as well for the piece.
The words tree after tree Leads Me to Me, came from the ride to the museum. The Adirondacks really is tree after tree. And driving up I was feeling the loneliness that seems to permeate the area as well as the loneliness of not having Jon’s company. As a kid, my family vacationed in the Adirondacks and my ex-husband and I would hike there. I’m very familiar which has certain associations for me and so was assaulted with memories. But I did what I’ve learned to do when it comes to feelings I would rather not feel. I plunged in and let them wash over me, feeling them fully. I drove feeling tree after tree counting off the moments until the memories and the feelings they evoked, faded and all I felt was a solidness in my gut and a straightness in my spine. I wiped my eyes and came back to the person I am today, the person who was always inside of me, even when those memories were my real life.
It seemed a purging of sorts, as if I reclaimed the Adirondacks and was experiencing it for the first time. Without my personal history, the loneliness vanished too, and I could see the Adirondacks for what it is. A vast wilderness with small pockets of people, tree after tree after tree….