Hey ! This Is Me

"Shouting From The Moon"
“Shouting From The Moon” is sold.

I used to think that by saying something out loud, it would jinx me.  But it wasn’t hard for me to keep things to myself, it felt safer that way.  Once I said something out loud, it could be ridiculed, dismissed, or ignored.

But since I’ve been making my art and posting it on my blog, it seems the opposite is true.  It’s not a jinx but a blessing.  When I make something and show it to the world, I’m saying to it: I believe in you, you are important, you are worthy.   And doing this doesn’t scare me anymore, it actually makes me feel good,  sometimes even better than I might have been feeling.

So I shouldn’t have been surprised that after writing about my trip to Gee’s Bend,  my fears about going fell away.  It was almost instantaneous, magical even.  A half hour earlier I was sitting at my computer with Jon beside me helping me make decisions about my flight.  I was so nervous, I don’t think I could have done it alone. The night before I woke up at, yes, 3AM sure I had made a mistake in saying I would go.

I didn’t plan on writing about my trip that night, it wasn’t a conscious decision.  I just started doing it.  And as I did, I could feel the fear leave me. I marveled at this seemingly instant cure.  Jon immediately noticed the change in me and wasn’t surprised. He said it was like Carrie Mae Weems telling the world through her photography “This is who I am”.  Not letting herself be defined by someone else.  It was like her saying, “I should be having a Retrospective at the Guggenheim”  when she was asked how she felt about it.

Then I started to understand.  When I wrote about going to Gee’s Bend, I was saying, this is who I am and this is what I do. I was saying I should be going to Gee’s Bend.  Like making a piece of art and posting it on my blog I was saying: I believe in me, I am important, I am worthy.  

The next day I went into my studio and out came my newest wall hanging,  Shouting From The Moon.

Now, I find I can’t stop telling people about my trip.  When I wake up at 3Am, I’m excited, thinking of working with Mary Ann Pettway and exploring Gee’s Bend Alabama.  I can almost feel it.  I can see myself in Alabama, being me.

7 thoughts on “Hey ! This Is Me

  1. Thanks for sharing your insecurities. This post gave me food for thought especially about saying things out loud. Life (people) can’t help you if they don’t know what you want or need. Funny how we help others but sometimes feel awkward about expressing our own situations. Community is their for a reason we need to feel free to reach out to it.

  2. Maria this is very exciting news. I’m so glad you shared your story with us. I see this as the equivelant of me working with the guitar Luther’s at the Martin Guitar factory. You’re going where it all happens, a creative place rich with history and you will be part of that fabric, If you will. Go, quilt, breath, enjoy, create and rejoice in yourself. You deserve this time, be well.

  3. I well understand your ppast reluctance to voice your thoughts and dreams out loud…somehow if you didn’t call attention the fates would be kind. Not only did you not express the strong desire within but when disappointments or lack of notice did occur you managed to put a smile on your face to cover the hurt you felt. I should not be writing in the 2nd person but speaking in the 1st…for myself. How many of us are…were out there…do girls still grow up with this crippling fear to stretch…to reach…to call out from the stars with rightful expectation. Growing up…becoming fearless about things that matter…sometimes comes late. But it comes and thank God. You are good…you are important and you are blessed. Me too!!!

  4. OH! MARIA!! HOW I LOVE THIS!! HOW ELOQUENTLY YOU SPEAK FOR ALL OF US!! PLEASE, PLEASE, NEVER STOP!! Annie

  5. WOW Maria, just reading this makes me REALLY EXCITED too! I like this so much – I wish you had another one because I would buy it in a heart-beat as they say. Things are good all around for us here in Lafayette, Colorado. I’m looking forward to my new Vintage Hanky Scarf whenever it is ready and convenient for you to do work on it – no rush at all my friend.
    With LOVE,
    Barbara Jo

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