A little miracle, or maybe it was a big miracle, happened on the first day of our vacation in Cape Cod. Jon looked in the mirror then turned to me and said,” I like what I see”. You know how often we women have issues with the way we look, well it happens to men too. Not most of the men I’ve known most of my life, but definitely with my husband. And so when Jon told me he actually liked what he saw when he looked in the mirror, I was thrilled. Finally, I thought, he’s seeing himself the way he really looks, not the way he thinks he looks. I attribute this miracle to the many positive changes Jon has made in his life over the years I’ve known him, his constantly growing self-awareness and, love. Being loved and being able to love. And I can say this with some authority because the same thing is happening to me. I’m beginning to see that who I am is just fine. And a big part of my feeling this way has to do with how Jon loves me and how I love him.
A few days ago, we had a meeting, and well, I won’t go into specifics, but we were at a meeting that was a bit contentious and as it went on I was getting angrier and angrier. And it’s not like I exploded or threw anything, but Jon was so calm through the whole thing, even nice (which also added to my anger). Usually my getting angry and showing it, would have made me feel like I was wrong to act and feel the way I did. (Especially if someone else didn’t get angry over the same thing) But for once, I wasn’t feeling that way. I was feeling like it was fine for me to be angry and rant all the way home in the car.
And this isn’t just happening with anger. I’m also feeling it about what I’ve always seen as my less desirable traits. My temper, my rants, my sensitivity, my selfishness, my passion, my mood swings, and my tears (not the mention the physical stuff). And one of the reasons for this new way of seeing myself is because Jon actually loves these parts of me as much as he loves the other parts of me. Not that he necessary always likes them, but he doesn’t love just the “nice” me, he loves all of me. And I’m beginning to see that these parts of me are not as awful as I’ve come to believe. That they help make me who I am. And that, that person is actually loveable. But it’s not just being loved, it’s being able to love. I think my loving Jon the way I do, with all his “less desirable traits” allows me to love myself too.
So now I have a new mantra when I look in the mirror. I say to myself, I like what I see. And every day it becomes more and more true.
For me this re