Stuff from my past has been coming up.  I think it’s partly because of the up coming holidays (the holidays always throw me off balance) and partly because of the Yoga Nidra classes I’ve been taking for the past three weeks.  Yoga Nidra is a meditation practice that puts you into that place between waking and sleeping.  It’s purpose (as described in the class I’m taking) is to help find that peaceful and intuitive place inside of us that we can always go to no matter what is happening in the world around us.  It’s our safe place.  I was originally interested in Yoga Nidra as a creative tool.  I know that is  also can put me in a state of mind were  visions and words occur seeming apart from me.  That’s the creative part I was looking for.

But  I think what’s happened in my last three classes is that old issues in my life are coming up.  It’s kind of like dredging. So last week was a difficult one for me.  I was hyper-sensitive and feeling really vulnerable and paranoid.  (It was no fun for Jon either, as you might imagine).   But through talking about it and understanding what is going on, I’ve been coming out of it and to a better place.  So today, when I was going for a massage, Mandy suggested she just do energy work instead of massage. (usually she does a little of each).

What a good decision that was.  During the healing, I had many visions come to me, (including my dead father walking up the stairs to the office then floating off into nothingness).  At times I could feel my body vibrate, other times parts of me were really  heavy and dense feeling.  Towards the end, I saw a piece of dark plaid fabric over my stomach.  I cut it with a shears and it vanished,  replaced by a black bowl filled with nuts and grain.  Finally Mandy laid her hand just below my neck by my clavicle and everything turned gold then that space in me and just below it, where my heart is, filled with a glowing white crystal-like shine.

Feeling so much lighter and grounded, I’ve still been in a bit of a fog all day.  In my studio, I came up with a poem (which describes some of the visions I had)  and this piece I call Gone.  It’s made out of hankies and linens, marker and thread.  It’s as close as I can come to what I’ve been feeling today.


A trail of dead leaves
footsteps to myself

A black bowl of nuts and grain

Fingers that hold a
glint of the sun

A donkey on the
Path to Glory

I held the scissors
and cut the cloth
Meaning sliding out in
front of me

Why is not the question

I closed the doors behind me
gone with each one.

Detail from "Gone"
Detail from “Gone”

7 thoughts on “Gone

  1. Your post today about Yoga Nidra is just what I needed to see. I’d like to find out more about this kind of Yoga because if I could find it here in L.A. I might like to give it a try. The concept of a meditation that puts one in a place between waking and sleeping sounds so calming. I’ve been taking memory classes at the UCLA Center of Aging and today we talked about mindfulness and how meditation helps to reduce stress (which I already knew) which affects memory. I’m concerned with something of this nature because my mother had Alzheimers and I am always looking for ways to learn new things and keep my mind vibrant. A safe place is always where I would like to be.
    Looking at your art, reading your posts and poems, seeing your photos are all calming to me. They are a part of my daily life that helps to keep my eyes and mind open. You and your creative mind are the “gift that keeps on giving.”
    Happy Halloween tomorrow. And thanks for sharing.

  2. Maria – I love the sparseness of this piece. The poem – SO POWERFUL! You really have a gift for the written word. Rock on. . .

  3. Maria, you sure get your money’s worth out of that energy balancing. I have Polarity Therapy (energy balancing) once a month and all I do is fall asleep, in that half state of wakefulness that you achieve through your Yoga, and SNORE. Boy, am I embarrassed but I’m assured the many of my former massage therapist’s clients do the same thing…I feel so relaxed afterward. Do you?
    SandyP in Canada…

    1. Yes, Sandy incredibly relaxed. There are recording of the meditations used in Yoga Nidra, so it can be done at home, no class necessary. I also find all my aches are gone after a class. Not that they don’t come back, but they are relieved for a while.

  4. I’ve been trying to get back here and comment on this post. The texture of this piece, the writing and the fabric, speak to me. Yoga Nidra sounds a lot like what we do in our dream journeys. I do love that thin space between sleeping and wake and wake and sleep. I get the most amazing creative insights there. The bowl reminds of the empty space. In Lewis Hyde’s book, The Gift, he says that we should always be filling the empty spaces. We should always be offering our gifts to these spaces. Filling and filling each other. He told a story about a beggar who came to a door with an empty bowl, but the lady who answered the door was a young mother who could not conceive. He was content to fill the bowl for her by giving her the last gifts he had. For she had an emptier bowl than he. Our gifts continue to give. I resonate deeply with the space you create from. Thanks for that.

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