Something made me want to cut up those old linen napkins and sew them back together again, making something new. It was like rearranging something inside of me. Shifting the pieces around and letting go of the parts that didn’t work anymore. And keeping the stuff that contributed to the essence of myself.
The knowing of this reconfiguration came from spending that day at Blue Star Equiculture. Being around the horses and people who I felt connected to. I came home exhausted and slept, waking up a little closer to understanding.
That day, I pieced together this quilt. I started by cutting up the linen napkins with the blue flowers on them. Then I sewed them back together in a way that somehow made more sense to me. I did this again and again with different embroidered linens. Thinking of the women who made them and what their lives might have been like. How their creative impulses may have been limited to decorating pillowcases and table runners, because it’s what was expected of them. And I felt with each cut I was blowing those expectations apart. With each cut I was affirming who I am and my place in this world.
I sewed the orange lion next to the cut up linens first. Because he is wild, the opposite of embroidered linens and what they represent. Then each patch of linens got a piece of the wild. And they came together making something complete.
Growing up I was criticized for being too sensitive, too emotional. The idea’s I expressed were often ridiculed. I came to think there was something wrong with me, that I was crazy. So I learned how to hide this part of myself. At Blue Star I found myself surrounded by people who saw my sensitivity as a good thing. It is through this and my emotions that I’m able to communicate with the horses the way I do as well as make my art. I have a few good friends who affirm this part of me and Jon has always loved me for my emotions and sensitivity, and now at Blue Star I’ve found another community of people who think and feel the way I do. Who understand those parts of me that I felt I had to hide for so long.
I feel like when I slept so deeply that night, a shift occurred inside of me. And when I made this quilt it was the illustration of that shift. Me embracing that part of myself that always seemed dangerous, even crazy. Me accepting that there is a place for me and the more true I am to myself, the more the world will open itself up to me. It’s like me coming home to myself and knowing that I belong.
“Home To Me” is Sold
for sale. It measures about 67″x75″ and is $300 + $20 shipping (shipping is a bit more outside the US) If you’re interested in it you can email me here at [email protected]. I take checks and paypal.