I know there’s something here for me, with the horses. I know because at different times during the day yesterday, an old panic surged up in me. One that made me want to run for the safety of home, the familiarity of my studio. But it’s not really about safety, because I know I can’t be in a safer place that Blue Star. That’s part of what Blue Star is about. Bringing people together with horses, making a welcoming, nourishing and safe place for both horses and people.
I think there’s something inside of me that’s going to have to let go, if I pursue the horses. Something that doesn’t want to leave, something that in the past gave me the illusion of safety. When I think about it, I can see that these old feelings that come with the panic, feelings of wanting to bolt to just run away, are based in fear. They’re irrational to my circumstances. The voices I hear telling me I should be back home working, questioning if this is really how I want to spend my time, are manipulative and guilt ridden. They want to keep me small, safe in my fear.
That’s how I know that what I’m doing with the horses is just the opposite. It’s expansive and freeing. And a part of me is afraid of what will happen if I go there.
When our donkey Simon died this past winter, I got the distinct message that in his moving on, he was leaving a space to be filled. Like he had been the in-between, the passport to what would come next. The image I got was an open door. And I suddenly knew the space Simon physically left would be filled by a horse.
Blue Star and Chloe are through that doorway. But so is Eli and Pamela. Because it’s not just the horses, it’s the people and horse. It’s not about owning a horse, it’s about living with them and learning along side them. And what that connection can bring.
6 thoughts on “Living With Horses”
Isn’t is interesting how we can panic at something good happening for ourselves? We built up our early fortresses so well when being our true self was not nourished, was considered taboo. I’m so glad you have this opportunity now Maria to see the open door and walk through it, even though it can feel scarey.
One of the healthiest thing having Melody has done is enabled me to connect with new people too. I needed help with this. One of my favorite stable friends is 12 yrs. old! 🙂
That’s beautiful Cindy.
Love this post! Horses have taken me places I had never dreamed of going, to people I would not have otherwise had the pleasure of knowing.
Maria, I was interested as I read this post… “wanting to bolt to just run away, are based in fear” Horses, as you know, are fright flight animals. When they are frightened they want to bolt, to run away because of fear. There is a correlation here…for you in understanding the horse. We constantly ask horses to go against this instinct…we build relationship and we build trust, so in those moments of fear, instead of fleeing or bolting, they choose to trust. It’s beautiful. Happy for you in this journey with the horse.
Oh you’re right Barbara. It’s funny how I’ve been thinking about this and wrote it and still didn’t see that connection. Thanks for sharing it.