I knew I needed to do something different, but I wasn’t sure where to begin. I felt like I was doing the same thing over and over, like I was drying up. Then the I’m Alive Goddess came out of me and there was no going back. When I started reading Women Who Run With the Wolves, suddenly I saw the story of my life in the fairy tales Clarissa Pinkola Estes writes about.
Estes writes about how many women have lost their instincts and intuition because so often, it’s no longer passed down from mother to daughter. Sometimes we can learn it from someone else, another elder, but if not, there’s still hope.
I’ve never had that person in my life, the mentor, the elder, the one to go with troubles, someone I could trust. But like Dorothy’s ruby slippers, that person was inside of me all along. She’s there in the form of the Wild Woman, just waiting to be awakened. She’s not wild in a destructive way. She’s the undomesticated part of us that still knows how to feel and trust her intuition and instincts. She’s the wolf mother who looks out for her pups and teaches them how to survive and about the real dangers in life. She doesn’t even know what boundless fear and anxiety are. She sees clearly the traps and opportunities and can tell the difference between the two.
I can see now, that through my art, I’ve been tapping into my Wild Woman. She emerged as my I’m Alive Goddess. And when she first came out, it was exhilarating, but also scary. She was different than the art I had been making for years and she was pulling me in a new direction. Suddenly creating without her being a part of my work in some way was draining. It made me lethargic and depressed, uninspired. Just the thought of her toothy grin and supple body energized me. It’s like I’m being replenished, once again, drinking the life-giving fluids.
And I have my guide, my inner voice. Not my brain trying to talk me in and out of things, and not my heart, which can be confused by my emotions. But Wild Woman, who lives in my gut, ancient and untamed. Sometimes she still scares me, going against so much of what I thought was true, but more than being afraid, I trust her. And I like the direction she’s taking me in.