Chloe and I had just come into the barn after riding around the yard. I leaned down, resting my body on her back and wrapping my arms around her neck. She stood so still and I started to relax. I could feel her body relaxing under me. Her head starting to lower. Then I cried.
I don’t know why I was crying. I tried to think about what I was feeling, but I had no words for it. I was just suddenly filled with emotion.
We had a good time together. Not really a ride, just walking from here to there, around and back, short distances. I used the bareback pad that someone sent me. It was more comfortable than the saddle for me and for Chloe I think. When Pamela was here over the weekend, she said I didn’t need a saddle. Not for the kind of riding I’m interested in doing. And that sounded right to me. So I decided to trust Pamela and my own feelings. And I noticed riding bareback makes me pay closer attention. It’s less about trying to get Chloe to do what I want so I can ride her and more about using the riding as a way to better communicate with her.
I think that idea changes the relationship for me. Before getting Chloe when ever I thought of a horse, I thought of it being about riding. About me riding a horse. Now I see that’s just one of the things you can do together. So now I’m not sure what having a horse is about. So many different people have told me so many different things that a horse can do for a person. Things like building confidence and healing. Pamela talks about our ancient connection. I understand all of this intellectually, but what I’m experiencing has nothing to do with my intellect. It’s happening in my body.
I do know that Chloe and I got closer to each other today. And later when I saw her grazing outside my studio window, I got the feeling we’re both were we’re supposed to be. Living our own lives together. And I’m not even completely sure what that means, but it feels good.