Chloe and Me, Living Our Own Lives Together

Chloe and I had just come into the barn after riding around the yard.  I leaned down, resting my body on her back and wrapping my arms around her neck.  She stood so still and I started to relax.  I could feel her body relaxing under me.  Her head starting to lower.  Then I cried.

I don’t know why I was crying.  I tried to think about what I was feeling, but I had no words for it. I was just suddenly filled with emotion.

We had a good time together.  Not really a ride, just walking from here to there, around and back,  short distances.  I used the bareback pad that someone sent me.  It was more comfortable  than the saddle for me and for Chloe I think.  When Pamela was here over the weekend,  she said I didn’t need a saddle. Not for the kind of riding I’m interested in doing.  And that sounded right to me. So I decided to trust Pamela and my own feelings.  And I noticed riding bareback makes me pay closer attention.  It’s less about trying to get Chloe to do what I want so I can ride her and more about using the riding as a way to better communicate with her.

I think that idea changes the relationship for me.  Before getting Chloe when ever I thought of a horse, I thought of it being about riding.  About me riding a horse.  Now I see that’s just one of the things you can do together.  So now I’m not sure what having a horse is about.  So many different people have told me so many different things that a horse can do for  a person.  Things like building confidence and healing.  Pamela talks about our ancient connection.  I understand all of this intellectually, but what I’m experiencing has nothing to do with my intellect. It’s happening in my body.

I do know that Chloe and I got closer to each other today.  And  later when I saw her grazing outside my studio window, I got the feeling we’re both were we’re supposed to be.  Living our own lives together.  And I’m not even completely sure what that means, but it feels good.