“Dorothy Parker once wrote that misfortune, and recited misfortune especially, can be prolonged to the point where it ceases to excite pity and arouses only irritation.”
Last night Jon quoted Dorothy Parker in his blog and wrote about getting irritated with himself over his publishing career. And this morning I too got irritated with myself too.
For me it was my lament about not being worthy.
For the past week or so, since I decided to go to India and began receiving support in the form of money and encouraging words for my trip, I’ve been doubting my worth and ability.
One day, Jon and I sat in the livingroom and he opened the mail address to Maria/India Trip that came in our PO box. He read each letter and we kissed some of the cards and thanked others. We both cried on and off. Me, mostly on. I think that was the first step for me in acceptance and receiving.
It’s been a whirlwind, all of this coming on so fast. But my trip to India to teach women who have been victims of sex trafficking, is also very organic. As my friend Athena said, I don’t have to do anything but be Maria.
I know how to make potholders and I know I can teach someone else to make them too. I’ve done it before. And I believe in my potholders. In their accessibility and simple power. They helped me start and grow my business. And they’re still doing it, evolving every day. I know I can pass my experience on to others.
This morning I work up annoyed with myself. Who, I thought, wants to support someone who keeps whining that they’re not worthy. And what am I really looking for? I’ve heard so many times already, through the letters I’ve received, in my email and on facebook how people believe in what I’m doing. How people believe in me.
It’s like I’m standing there saying “Please tell me again who worthy I am”. Uck! I don’t want to be that person.
I have a choice, I can feel bad that people are being so supportive and get anxious and whiny and come across as ungrateful….
….or I can see the truth. That I’m going to Kolkata, India to do some good work. That I am worthy of it and I’m capable of doing it.
And so I am determined to graciously receive all the good coming my way. And to do my very best for the women of Kolkata that I’ll be working with.
Jon came back from the post office this morning with three more letters for me. I took them from him and said thank you, to him and the people who sent them. If felt my heart soften and my spine straighten and a smile spread across my face.
I am going to do such good thing with this money I thought. And I am going to savor each kind word and let them take up space in my body. And I’m going to do really good work, for the people I encounter and for myself and watch it spread, potholder by potholder.
You can see you my Indigogo here.
Yes yes yes! Well done, my dear friend. Cheering you on all the way. This is definitely your work in the world.
That deserves a real Congratulations!!!
Love this post – so excited for you – you will do GREAT things!
Oh Maria, I was smiling with you as I read your words. When I first “met” you through your tentative blog, you were feeling your way. When I met you in person in Columbus Ohio, with Izzy and Jon, you were very quiet and friendly, but almost in the background. Over the few years since then, we, your readers, have watched you rise up and become radiant, confident, increasingly creative, genuine, very genuine, and beautiful. I have always liked you and I think it’s safe to say we all REALLY like you. It’s your ability to bring us along on the paths you choose and the ones that choose you. It’s sharing your abilities that inspire me and give me a little more confidence in my own creativity. Yes, you ARE worthy and I thank you for being my long distance friend.
I just took that trip through my life with you Laura. Thanks for putting it into words the way you did. I feels good.
Such a nice blog Maria. Roger & I are so happy for you. First for this wonderful opportunity and second that you Maria Wulf now realize you are worthy …can embrace this fact and can help so many hurting and needy women that need your guidance.
I am elated for you Maria. Stand in your truth, let that shine – it looks lovely on you!
Thank you Sandy!
How long ago was it
When I ordered my first one?
All colors of a rainbow
Bringing the warmth of the sun.
They hang on walls around me
I see them every day
Each a unique masterpiece
A story in their own way.
As functional as they are
I couldn’t bring myself to use
Instead of grabbing skillets
They saturate my views.
So off you go to India
To share more than your art
You’ll bring a gift so worthy
And pieces of your heart!!
Namaste, sweet Maria.
I’m crying again Cheryl. Thank you for your poem, takes me back to the beginning too.
Maria, this is wonderful, beautiful, glorious (inner) work you’re doing, that will support and infuse the ‘outer’ work of your India trip. I’m admiring you and how you’re opening to the journey. I’m over here shouting “YOU GO, GIRL!!!” I’ve been to India many times, feel it is in some unspeakable way my “heart’s Homeland”. I love the rhythms, colors, sounds, people, smells, kaleidoscope of sensory riches – and the vast skies and the cow bells and the bazaar and the swirl of it. Go and be blessed by that wondrous land. It changed my life, every trip. I hope it changes yours. And Jon’s. And the women who you meet. And . . . (you get the idea!).
I know it’s already changed me Elizabeth and I can’ only imagine what it will be like to go there. Thanks for your good words!
Maria, you are an inspiration! I am so happy for you, thrilled for the women you will help in India, and delighted in this post today. YES, you do deserve to receive these gifts, and your graciousness in receiving them is lovely in itself. Brava!