Sorting Out My Feelings

Hanging Sculpture By Ed Gulley
Hanging Sculpture By Ed Gulley

I’m all dressed up for voting,  Athena texted me yesterday,  I think I’ll put on my grandmother’s pearls.   I knew what she meant because I chose my flying horse earrings, the ones that make me feel special and pulled on my Frida Kahlo leggings to vote in.    Mandy was the first to text us, excited about getting to the polls so early.

The idea of getting dressed up to vote never entered my mind till yesterday morning.  It’s not something I thought about, it’s just something I did.

Voting yesterday was really special for me.  It was as personal as it was political.  I voted for Hillary Clinton, not  because she’s a woman, but because I believe she would be a good president.  The fact that she is a woman, that I got to vote for a female president, that went right to my heart.

And today I’m trying to sort out my feelings.

Enough people voted for Donald Trump to make me think that maybe they know something I don’t.  I do understand the hopelessness that people feel and wanting something different.  That they’ll take their chances even if they don’t know exactly what that difference will look like.  To me that say’s people are pretty desperate and I hear that.

I also believe that most of those people did not vote for the racists, sexist, angry, violent rhetoric that Trump was using throughout the campaign.

I will not listen to the conspiracy theories on either side.  I don’t believe in pure good or evil.

So when Jon asked me what I was feeling this morning I said I was disappointed,  scared but mostly sad.

I feel that Hillary Clinton has paved the way for the next female presidential candidate.  We won’t have to hate the next woman who tries to become president.  The possibility has already entered our consciousness.

I’m also determined not to succumb to fear or anger.

So many people are happy, thrilled that Donald Trump won and I remind myself that if it were the other way around, they would probably be feeling similar to the way I feel now.  Many of these people  are my neighbors and my friends and I know they’re good people.

I also, honestly have no idea what Trump will or won’t do as president.  I don’t think he would have been elected if there wasn’t something already wrong with the political system.  And I agree that shaking  things up can ultimately be a good thing.

When Jon was in the hospital having Open Heart Surgery, I learned to stay in the moment.  I didn’t let my mind go to the bad places it could have so easily wandered.  I was fully aware of the possibilities but stayed in the place of what I knew for sure at the moment and trusted that it would all work out.

So that’s what I’m doing today. I’m not going near any of the theories of what might be. Trump has already changed his tone by calling for unity and being civil to Hillary Clinton.

That’s what I know right now.   And it’s so much better than what I expected.

Our safety doesn’t come from outside of ourselves” Athena texted me and Mandy this morning, ” Love will lead us on our paths.  Something is afoot. Change.  I think it will be interesting”.



12 thoughts on “Sorting Out My Feelings

  1. Maria, I thank you for your wise comments. This was a difficult election and quite frankly I didn’t like either contender very much. I do think that most of us in this country want the same things, we just have different ways of going about it. We need to work together, not throw rocks. And . . . you are right, peace and safety comes from within not without. We are masters of ourselves.

  2. Oh, thank-you Maria for this post.I think tomorrow will be a better day.Althena always has such inspirational things to say also. I remember hearing her sing several years ago. She’s so talented and sweet!

  3. And this Maria is why I admire you. I personally found flaws in both the choices and for strange reasons am not registered to vote, but when so many liberals call those who voted for Trump racists sexists,and more often stupid idiots, I respond “that’s why he won”. Too often we dismiss those who see things differently from us when what we should do is ask them why they feel as they do. We don’t have to change our opinions, but understanding someone else can lead to a feeling of empathy rather than drive us farther away and just possibly can result in real change and difference.

  4. Thank you for this post Maria. I was a Trump supporter and was ridiculed, laughed at, screamed at and hated on. I was called names and treated as a second class citizen. I would never think of doing this to them. I respect many of his viewpoints, not all, when I made my decision to vote for him. I know Mr. Trump has done many kind things for many people and one of these is a friend of mine and this was a couple of years ago. He doesn’t want any reporting of these acts and they are never mentioned afterwards. But anyway, I want to thank you again for not belittling those who may disagree.

  5. Dear Maria, Your wise words in this post and so many others, is the reason so many of us love and respect you deeply. I’D VOTE FOR YOU FOR PRESIDENT IN A HEARTBEAT!! Annie

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