I can’t believe it’s been a week since coming home from India. I have little memory of last week. I spent most of it sleeping and being out of sorts. Trying to transition from the things I saw and experienced in India and having it make sense with being home.
It was like my brain and body had to adjust from being overstimulated visually and emotionally. People I talk to seem to understand this, but I still keep trying to put words to it. Something that I think may not be completely possible. So much of it is about feeling.
There’s also a part of me that doesn’t want to be too present here, for fear I’ll lose or forget what being in India really felt like. Once I lose that feeling, all I’ll have is my memories. And memories are always just a fraction of visceral reality.
But I am home now. And today I’m going to my studio to work. The first time in a long time.
Yesterday I made curtains for the living room from sari material I brought back with me. It was a good way to reclaim my studio space and just get sewing again without having to think too much about what I was doing. An easing in.
I’m going to try not to push myself in the studio, just see what happens.
Saturday was the first time since coming home that I felt anywhere close to normal. My body seems to be back on Bedlam Farm time. My brain still has some catching up to do, but making my Monday Morning Video helped pull me back home.
I think the emotional changes will come through in my work. I don’t think that part is about adjusting as much as accepting some new realities for me. I know I want this trip to keep opening my heart, not close it. There’s always the possibility of shutting down. Maybe that’s why I’m trying to keep the experience alive inside of me.
I’m just not sure how this all works. Ultimately, I’ll just have to trust it. Allow it to work its way through me and see where it goes.