Fate jumped back startled, something spooked her.
She was staring into the woods, as if the danger was obvious. I stopped and looked, scanning the woods, looking for movement, but couldn’t see what she did.
I started walking again, watching her. She walked cautiously up to a weathered and decaying tree stump and started sniffing it.
Was this what spooked her? The smell of a bear of coyote leaving their scent, marking their territory.
I thought how she sees, smells and senses so much more than I do. Her walk in the woods is worlds away from mine.
And it came to me then, how raw, how sensitive, I’ve been feeling. Somehow, being in the woods, watching Fate react to her surroundings with every fiber of her body, not just her mind, I was able to see myself clearly.
I feel like a Mimosa leaf that curls back into itself with the lightest touch. As if I can feel the hairs on my body react with the slightest movement of air or the gentlest word.
Being home from India, letting my guard down, I’m broken wide open. Soft and vulnerable.
I told myself I wanted this experience to open my heart, not shut it down. But it’s so much easier to harden to the experience than let it have its way with me.
Last night I dreamed I was comforting a baby. I laid her down to sleep in a big bed with lots of pillows and a fluffy feather comforter. In the past, my dreams of babies have always been about neglecting or forgetting them.
Something is shifting inside of me. I want to see it, to feel it, to understand it with the same sensitivity and awareness as Fate walking through the woods.
Sensing the invisible. Seeing what’s in front of me. Unafraid to be vulnerable.