As many of you already know from reading Jon’s blog, Gus died yesterday.
We euthanized him last night.
He fell asleep on my arm then both Jon and I held him as he died.
I did a good part of my grieving for him over the weekend, before we made the final decision.
Now I feel very sad and relieved.
His illness was gradual and it wasn’t until this morning that I could really grasp just how sick he was. And all the ways both his and our life, was altered by his illness.
We stopped using Gus’ muzzle over the weekend. And we did all the things we used to do again, with a freedom that reminded me of what his life was once like.
Yesterday I took him and Fate for a walk in the woods. Then I watched the two of them chasing each other around the backyard. In the afternoon all three dogs settled into Jon’s office. Gus on Lenore’s couch.
I am sad and I miss Gus. The farm is a lot quieter and not as much fun without him.
I know at some point I’ll write more about Gus. I want to tell you about what his dying taught me. But I not right now. I need a little more time.
One of the good things is that now, when I think of Gus, I don’t think of him being sick. I think of him being his energetic, playful, entitled self.
And even thought this was my first small dog experience, I’m glad to see that I don’t associate the idea of a small dog with a sick dog. Instead I see Gus hopping around and being a little, lovable, wild thing.
Last night, after Gus died, Jon and I were sitting on the couch holding each other. I heard Fate in the other room making noises in her sleep. Maybe, I thought, Gus has come to Fate in a dream and they’re playing together. Chasing each other around and around the house.
It made me smile to think it.