The Wild Inside

If I call Fate to come out of the barnyard and the sheep are near the gate, she looks for a way around them.  Much the same way she looks to avoid Flo when she’s near the back door and I call Fate in.

Fate’s afraid to get too close to the sheep.  It’s not normal Border Collie behavior, but then Fate is her own dog.  And I love her for it.

For all her fears of other animals, Fate also has a bit of wild in her.

Nothing like Frieda, who would run off into the woods for hours, hunting and killing small animals.  But Fate’s comfortable in the woods.   I feel like she would know how to survive there if she had to.

I’ve seen her scavenge dead things and eat animal feces.  I remember seeing Jon’s Border Collie, Rose, grabbing wild raspberries  off the bushes as she ran down the path, eating them without stopping. I can imagine Fate doing the same, and feasting on insects too.  I believe her fur would grow thicker in the cold and I know she’s good at finding small spaces to curl up in to keep warm.

Maybe I like to see the wild side of my dogs the way a parent wants to give their children  what they didn’t have as a child.

I feel like any wild inside of me was squelched long ago.  But that doesn’t mean it’s not still there.

I wonder how it would manifest.  I wonder if I’ve already seen glimpses of it, but wasn’t aware what it really was.  Maybe it’s like my dreams, the more I pay attention to them, the more I remember them. The wild inside me could be the same.  It just needs me to open myself up to it, to encourage it and make it feel welcome.

I like the idea of finding the wild in me.  I think I’m ready for it.


7 thoughts on “The Wild Inside

  1. I can totally relate to the wild being squelched out of us – it wasn’t “lady like” or was deemed rebellious behavior. I know in back of that, for many people, it is just fear. False Evidence Appearing Real. Fear – it takes so many forms, and I am committed to discovering mine, and bringing them into the light. Reading your words about your fears, and what you’re doing and have done to overcome them has helped me immensely. You have given so many the courage to keep going. That is the gift – in order to keep it, we must give it away. Thank you, Maria.

    1. That fear is my greatest demon Karla. It kept me from so much. It feels so good to come to grips with It is constant work that gets better with each action I take.

  2. The way you can throw a great big basket around your feelings, tip them out, and transcribe them into words is astonishing. I am grateful as I often finding myself reading and thinking, “Yes! That’s it exactly!!!” You are a talented artist most definitely, but what you can do with words…… Thank you for doing so and sharing, thus encouraging us on our own journey. My hope is that you see, feel, and understand how you are helping!

  3. Dear Maria, You don’t think you are already a Wild, Beautiful, Free Woman? Compared to this farm wife of 45 years, you are a Free Fairy flying wild and free in the Forest!! I think of you and Fate as having the same wild, free loving spirit. I suppose a woman can always become more free, more wild…

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