Becoming A Feminist

How do they do it,  I wondered, who taught them how to stand up to these powerful men?

It was 1am, I laid in bed tired, but my eyes wide open, my heart beating a little too fast, tears sporadically leaking from my eyes.  Jon and I were watching the documentary  Knock Down The House about four women running  against intrenched incumbents for congress in the last election.

“It’ll take a hundred of us running for one of us to get in.” Alexandria Ocasio Cortez said.

I never thought of myself a feminist because I could never image myself doing what Ocasio-Cortez and these other women are doing.  I couldn’t imagine myself getting beat-up or arrested, fighting for my right to vote as the suffragists did.

But I see now that Feminism isn’t just about being overly political.  I now understand that “the  personal is political”, as the Feminist art movement of the 1970’s preached.   It’s  also about the way we live our lives, about the decisions we make and how we affect the people directly around us.

I’ve been a feminist from the first time  I asked my mother why my sister and I  had to wash the dishes and my brother got to go out and play.  It was the feminist in me that would never accept the  answer she gave me (to that and many other questions) that my brother could do what he did because  “he was a boy”.

Where did the feminist in me come from?  Certainly not from my mother who didn’t believe in “Women’s Lib” as we called it in the 1970’s.

Was it something deep inside of me, passed down in my DNA from all the feminists who came before me. Or even at only 7 or 8 years old, was I picking up the latest wave of feminism that was happening in the country,  if not in my home?  I think a part of it was a rejection of the  traditional life my mother had and believe I should live too.

From what I can see historically, the feminist movement surges at times, then seems to go dormant, then surges again.  I like to believe that in those dormant periods people are slowly adjusting to the reality of the changes made during the surges.

Feminism is surging again.

I see it all around me, not just politically, but in movies, books, music and TV.   It’s become an important part of popular culture and little girls and boys growing up now will understand a different reality because of it.

Just with in the past couple of weeks, I saw two very different movies that had strong feminist themes in them without being overtly about feminism.

One was the Avengers: End Game the most popular movie in the theaters right now.  I’m not an Avengers fan and most of the movie was lost on me, but I cried when all the women superhero’s came together to support each other and help save the world.

In the movies and books I read growing up, women were always the victims, needing to be rescued by men.  And they were rarely supportive of each other.

And when I see the women and girls portrayed as the heroes in today’s  movies and books, I know that things really are changing.    Not only is it a reflection of society, but these the modern-day myths that teach us who we are and what we are capable of.

The other, very different movie I saw was Wild Nights With Emily.  It’s based on Emily Dickinson’s letters  that debunks the idea that she was a recluse, afraid to publish her poems.

Dickinson actually had a life long love affair with Susan Gilbert.   Gilbert married Dickinson’s brother and moved to the house next to Emily’s so they could be together.  This was all very well documented and known for years (Susan’s daughter supported the relationship and wrote about it in the 1950’s) yet still the myth of Emily Dickinson as a frightened woman with no control over her life persists.  While in reality Emily Dickinson created a good life for herself, filled with love and work, for the times she lived in.

There are many ways to be a feminist.

I just finished reading Finding Dorothy By Elizabeth Letts.  It’s about  Maud Baum, the wife of L Frank Baum (author of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz) and daughter of suffragist Matilda Joslyn Gage.

Maud wasn’t political, like her mother, but she was strong and independent enough to live the life she chose.    At one point in the book,  Maud finds herself dedicated to protecting the young Judy Garland from being exploited on the set of the movie, The Wizard of OZ.    After Judy is cornered by  Victor Fleming,  the director of the movie,  Maud gives her a hat pin and tells her to use it on any man who tries to get too close to her.

Back then we had hat pins, now we have #MeToo.

For me being a feminist is more in what I do than what I say.

It’s in my choice of using old linens and quilts in my art as well as in the content.  For me, it’s in my decision and choice not to have children. It’s finding a husband who not only loves me for who I am, but  doesn’t want to dominate or control me and is supportive of me and the life I want for myself.   It’s in my understanding that I can take care of myself.  And it’s in my belief that women  really are equal to men, even thought I was taught the opposite growing up.

I am in awe when I see Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez stand up to the men in congress, with all the strength, intelligence and passion, the way she does.  And I’d like to believe that I could do the same.  But honestly, I can’t imagine doing what this 29 year old woman does.

But that  doesn’t make me feel bad about myself, it gives me hope.

Women like Ocasio-Cortez are the future.  They didn’t grow up with the beliefs and fears I did.  They have a different way of seeing the world and the idea of them being equal to men and having the same rights,  isn’t something they question, it’s a fact.