True Love

Bud and Fate keeping me company on the couch yesterday.

Bright yellow, deep rich red, I can still see it, the two colors vibrant and rich.

That’s what I saw when I woke up on the bathroom floor on Friday night.  The blood that was pouring out of my mouth and making a puddle on the floor was from a cut on my lip after falling when I fainted. But I didn’t know that at first and I was scared.

I only had to call Jon’s name a few times before he was at the door.  By then I had a better idea of what happened.  When I tried to lift my head, the whole room moved and I knew I would faint again, so I kept my head down.

And as I texted my friend Suzy this morning when she asked how I was feeling after reading Jon’s blog,  I’ll spare you the gory details.  I’ll just say that I had food poisoning, which is why I was in the bathroom and why I fainted.

And that’s how Jon found me, laying on the bathroom floor in my own mess.

Although Jon later told me I kept apologizing, I also wasn’t able to move much, so I had no other choice than to just lay there. It’s the most physically vulnerable and humiliated I’ve ever been.

As shocked and scared as he first was, Jon didn’t seem even seem shaken to me.  He calmly wiped the blood off my face then asked me if I could get up, if I needed an ambulance, told me I was going to be okay and to stop apologizing, that I’d done nothing wrong.

He ran me a bath which I was eventually able to get into.   Then Jon cleaned up my mess.

“It’s no big deal,” he said when I kept thanking him, “I’ve cleaned up worse with the dogs”.  But it was a big deal.  And, in my mind, it’s very different cleaning up after a dog than it is a person.

That’s true love I said to him.

I couldn’t make it upstairs to bed that night, so I slept on the couch.  And Jon slept in the chair next to me until 2am when I woke up and assured him I was better and he should go to bed and get some real sleep.

I slept and read all day Saturday, my lip bruised, but I was better.  I kept thinking how if this had to happen with anyone I would have wanted it to be with Jon.  Which in a way seems selfish to me, to wish that on someone you love.

But it’s also that kind of vulnerability that can either bring people closer together or push them apart.

I thought of the piece Jon wrote a couple of weeks ago about us walking in the woods and how it was difficult for Jon to walk on the ice and snow.  We both realized it wasn’t something he could do anymore. But his vulnerability just made me want to help him more, to love him more.

Now I know what it feels like to be on the other side of that.

15 thoughts on “True Love

  1. I am so glad that you are feeling better. You were in good hands with Jon and your beloved dogs taking care of you.

  2. So glad you are feeling better Maria! What a week you had! My husband and I (we are both 68 and have been together almost 40 years) have similar discussions about aging together. Gracefully as possible. How often two pair of eyes (on the road for example) or two pair of ears seem helpful now. Accepting that helping each other is a given part of our love. And what a blessing that is. There was a time when either of us might get cranky if the other pointed something out or said ‘watch out’ for something. Now we appreciate it! Still very independent but standing firm in our knowledge that our love makes our whole greater…stronger… He wrote a poem to me recently. In it he said “we two are sustained, never diminished by others tribulations. We grow ever more together”. I read both your and Jon’s thoughts to him this morning. Thanks to you both as your words and feelings and thoughts are so very helpful in our journey too! Hugs from Vermont!

    1. What beautiful and truthful words your husband write Kathye. I know what you mean about helping each other out even in those simple ways. Thank you for your story and for sharing your husband’s poem. And how wonderful that you have a husband who writes you poems!

  3. I read Jon’s blog first, in the morning, so knew about this. I made a suggestion–right or wrong, that it could have been dehydration. What ever caused it, be careful of yourself and drink a lot of fluids (good for possible food poisoning also)

    A big hug from me.

  4. Dear Maria, Such a BEAUTIFUL story to come out of a difficult experience! I have also fainted in the bathroom, hitting my head on the sink on the way down, landing in my own mess. We all get sick, but you and Jon have so much love in these unlovely circumstances that it is INSPIRING! Thank you so much for sharing, and allowing Jon to share, what was a delicate and private situation.

    1. I think it’s come to the point with me Annie, that writing about what happens in my life is just what I do. I love to hear from people who I can connect with through my own experiences. Thanks for being there.

  5. Maria, I am so happy to see your smiling face on Jon’s blog today. I’ve been praying for you all week-end and was anxious to know how you were today. You two are so blessed to have each other. God is so good to us, all the time. Be blessed and loved.

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