Dealing With The Fear

Kim leaning her head on Griselle as she chews her hay.

Emily emailed me that she still wanted to meet up with me next week if I wanted to.  And she said that she’d bring the Beet Postcard.

Emily posted her Beet Postcard on Instagram and said she’d send it to someone who told her what they were doing to keep their sanity.  I commented that “I’m taking it day by day.  Thanks for your beet, it looks like the essence of happy,”  and she chose to give it to me.

It felt good getting her email, like a bit of normalcy.

So many institutions are shutting down.  The Mansion Assisted Living Facility that Jon and I volunteer at closed it’s doors to visitors today, which I think is a good thing.  But I’m not ready to give up getting together with friends who still want to.

Mandy and Athena, the women who I have a weekly lunch with both texted that they’d rather facetime today instead of meeting at the cafe.

Honestly, at first, I was annoyed by the text messages.   They seemed panicky and irrational.  I spend a lot of time alone and I look forward to seeing them face to face, to getting out of my studio.  Our lunches are important to me.

So I sent a terse message back and then agreed to a phone lunch.

Then I stewed for a few hours before lunch, trying to understand my anger.  I wanted my friends to feel the way I did, to not give in to the fear.

But then, as soon as I got on the phone when I heard their voices, the anger dissipated.  We apologized for the tone of our text messages and as we talked I could see how we all reacted differently to the fear and uncertainty we were feeling.

For me it is important to continue my days as normally as possible.  Depending on who I talk to and what I hear on the radio, my fear vacillates.

I’m finding what helps me most is to talk to people I trust.

I talked with three friends today and kept in touch with another by email.  And I found all those conversations to be helpful.  They allowed me to understand just how I was feeling and helped me explore how I want to deal with the constant changes that are happening to all of us.

Doing my work is as important as ever.

I know a lot of businesses are beginning to suffer already, and I understand that mine may too. But that won’t stop me from working.  I’ve already decided that it might be a good time to create something without the thought of selling it.  That it would be a good opportunity to take a chance on making something I might not have otherwise.

And I find being around the animals and walking in the woods grounding. They bring me into the present moment.  Because the animals don’t behave any differently, being in their presence reminds me that not everything has changed.   And for me, right now,  more things are still normal than not.

My blog helps me too.  Because it makes me feel useful.  Like I’m doing something for someone other than myself.   I want to share those things that make me feel good, like pictures of the animals and my videos.

I experienced such peace walking in the rain with Fate in the woods today.  I was so glad to be able to capture that feeling in the video I posted.

So unless things change drastically, I’ll be getting together with Emily on Tuesday.  And while I’ll no doubt have another good conversation,  at the same time I’ll be affirming my belief that it’s still okay to have tea with a friend.

Then I’ll bring home Emily’s postcard with a drawing of the very red, healthy and happy Beet, which I’ll be sure to share with you.

5 thoughts on “Dealing With The Fear

  1. Thank you for your post. The school I teach at has closed for the next 2 weeks for sure and things will be re evaluated toward the end of the month. It feels odd not to be planning the spring activities for my preschoolers that we were going to do over the next few weeks. I guess things will just be pushed back. At first I too was upset, then I realized that this could be a creative time for me at home. My yarn and fabric seem to be already softly beckoning me into my craft room. So I too will be visiting friends on FaceTime and creating fun things in this lull in the hustle of life.

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