“I’ve been so bitchy” was the first thing Kitty said to me on the phone today. I apologized for canceling our zoom meeting yesterday. She was in a bad place too, it probably would have done us both good to talk.
In the past four days, I talked to four friends and each one of them said they were having a hard day.
Athough some of them are out of work and still haven’t received unemployment, we all agreed that we have it a lot better than many people. But the realization that the virus had changed our lives for possibly years and in some ways forever seemed to become a reality this week.
It’s as if it all hit us at the same moment. Like a certain amount of time had to pass before we could really accept the truth of it and that time had come.
Another thing I noticed was that three out of the five husbands of my friends all said they were not experiencing the same thing as their wives. Jon and Charlie, Kitty’s husband, both joked that they already felt socially distanced in their lives and there wasn’t much difference to them.
Usually, in times of crisis, human touch is the most natural way to comfort each other. Giving a hug or holding hands is what we do. Not being able to be with someone you love when they are sick or dying, is understandably devastating.
The idea of not being able to sit across from a friend and have a cup of tea or bring solace with a hug, possibly for years, is not the same but is a different kind of loss.
Doris left this comment on my blog today: “...the description of your mood mirrors how I feel many days lately…We are strong underneath, and sometimes our edges are sharp or raggedy.”
At least there is still comfort in knowing that many of us are feeling the same thing.
10 thoughts on “The Little Losses”
I wonder if women are feeling this in a different, deeper sense than the men. I’ve been edgey this past week and I realized it’s partly because I have not been able to see or hug my kids in two months. I miss that! They both live in large metro areas and are concerned about possibly bringing the virus here to the farm. I want to have some tea and talk with them face to face again. I want to hug them again. I know in time we will be able to, but sometimes that’s just not enough.
Maybe we allow ourselves to feel more Josie, I don’t really know. But I do get your needs and they are very real.
Beautifully stated Maria
Sending all of you a hug across the miles!
Thanks Laura. Sending a hug back.
I call my moods being cranky. They come without warning or in relationship to what’s going on.
I have assumed the fix is to get out walking more. So I say to myself: Dr. Sharon, heal thyself.
Good for you Sharon!
Thank you for your writing Maria, Im having trouble articulating whatI am feeling right now. Your blog is helpful.
And thank you for letting me know Terri. We’re all in this together.
Maria and others that shared thank you/ days lately I’ve been saying I have virus fatigue> I was thinking it was cause I’m always trying to be safe and wearing my masks while others are not while they are rationalizing with me “this a big to do about nothing. “ I am still working in my 8th decade. I noticed I was retiring to bed earlier and earlier lately. Though people admire my ability to get through tough times/ I wasn’t feeling it.. as of late concerning> and like bam!! A post speaking to the same> strong women being /feeling edgy on the outside/not remembering our own inner strength that is there thank you bless you Maria and Doris for the share and the reminder it came right when needed
Diana, that is just what I was hoping for when I wrote it. That other person would find some comfort in knowing they are not alone. Thanks for writing and take good care. You obviously have that inner strength.