“I’ve been so bitchy” was the first thing Kitty said to me on the phone today. I apologized for canceling our zoom meeting yesterday. She was in a bad place too, it probably would have done us both good to talk.
In the past four days, I talked to four friends and each one of them said they were having a hard day.
Athough some of them are out of work and still haven’t received unemployment, we all agreed that we have it a lot better than many people. But the realization that the virus had changed our lives for possibly years and in some ways forever seemed to become a reality this week.
It’s as if it all hit us at the same moment. Like a certain amount of time had to pass before we could really accept the truth of it and that time had come.
Another thing I noticed was that three out of the five husbands of my friends all said they were not experiencing the same thing as their wives. Jon and Charlie, Kitty’s husband, both joked that they already felt socially distanced in their lives and there wasn’t much difference to them.
Usually, in times of crisis, human touch is the most natural way to comfort each other. Giving a hug or holding hands is what we do. Not being able to be with someone you love when they are sick or dying, is understandably devastating.
The idea of not being able to sit across from a friend and have a cup of tea or bring solace with a hug, possibly for years, is not the same but is a different kind of loss.
Doris left this comment on my blog today: “...the description of your mood mirrors how I feel many days lately…We are strong underneath, and sometimes our edges are sharp or raggedy.”
At least there is still comfort in knowing that many of us are feeling the same thing.