Silly Me…

I took this picture on a walk in the woods last week

Silly me. So much for surrendering.

I had lots of plans for the things I would do today, but it took me all day just to pack up five orders of dryer balls and roving.

I’m not sure what I was thinking, maybe I’m just hopeful or delusional.

Feeling as if I got so little done, I’m questioning why I’m so tired.  But I know if I were talking to a friend, I’d be able to explain their fatigue.  It’s so much easier to see what’s happening from the outside looking in.  Still, all I really need to do is think about it a little and I understand how draining, physically and emotionally the past two days have been.

Today Jon got his Sleep Apnea mask and afterward, we were both feeling it was all a lot to deal with in such a short amount of time.

I keep thinking of my friends, one whose husband has dementia another whose husband just died.  It keeps things in perspective for me, and I am grateful.

But I also have to remind myself that those truths don’t diminish what I’m feeling at the moment.

My head spins with all I need to do.  But need is relative.  What was important yesterday is not so much today.

Tonight after dinner we called our friend Sue Silverstein.  She knows hardship and so the importance of laughter. “I’m not complaining,” Jon said, “I’m just venting to a friend.” It’s only been two days, but I feel like I’ve been putting ice on and off of Jon’s foot for weeks.  “Wine helps,” Sue told me, as I looked into my empty wine glass.

These past couple of days have been just like the rest of life, with its ups and downs, only intensified. Sue helped us up lighten up and when we got off the phone we both felt better.

I was grateful for Sue’s friendship before today, but it’s times like this that strengthen those bonds.  Another thing to be grateful for.

6 thoughts on “Silly Me…

  1. I hope that a few times a day you can pause for a few moments and feel the hugs and good strong thoughts that are coming to you both from so very many of us. Please take care of yourself, too.

  2. Yep, that’s what I mean by “Hang in there”! It’s going to be a bit of a journey; every caregiver reacts a little differently, but one thing they all have in common is the exhaustion that just naturally goes along with the care giving. You will figure it out, Maria. Some days won’t be easy (like today), but you know from experience what works and what doesn’t. Preserve your sanity, get your rest when you are able and, again, hang in there! 🙂

  3. My heart reaches out to you, have been a caretaker a lot during the past few years. Sometimes I have thought of using the middle initial C in my name. What puts it in perspective is that my man has pulled thru two hospitalizations and two stints in a rehab facility to walk again. I just keep breathing deeply in my dark times.

  4. I commented earlier today but did not address: “But I also have to remind myself that those truths don’t diminish what I’m feeling at the moment”. yes, yes, yes, there is a way to make my concerns about creative and “me” time put out on the table and acknowledged. It is an ongoing dance. And I often have not felt happy at the end of the day. But there is always tomorrow, and I was able to carve out creative time this afternoon.

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