All Ready For Tonight’s BellyDancing Performance

Asher and Suzy through the spider’s web

If you live nearby, please come see me and the rest of the Bennington Beledi Bellydancers perform today, August 25th at the Bennington Museum in Bennington, Vermont. We’re part of the 25-year celebration of the North Bennington Outdoor Sculpture Show (NBOSS) from 5pm-7pm.  We’ll be dancing two 15-minute performances at 5:30 and 6:30.   Click here for more info.

I skipped the first half hour of Bellydancing class last night.  That’s when we do our Tribal Workout, a mix of dance and exercise that changes every week when Julz picks a new playlist and improvises through it all.

I wasn’t up for that, I wasn’t even sure I was up for our regular hour and a half dance class.

I started to panic about an hour before leaving. I was feeling vulnerable and insecure.  I started getting down on myself, about everything, not just dancing. I’m still not sure why it happened. Maybe just being sick was enough to make me doubt myself. It was almost as if I was afraid to leave the house after not going anywhere for two weeks.

I didn’t realize I was in a panic until I talked to Jon.  We know each other well by now.  We know when the other person is having a panic attack and when what they are feeling is based in reality.

It’s when I’m feeling the kind of fear that comes from panic, that I pull into myself.  I have a hard time trusting other people, even Jon.  So when he said he’d like to drive me to class, just the idea made me feel as if there really was something wrong with me.

I knew it would only make me doubt myself even more.

The kind of fear that comes to me from panic is old and irrational. It brings me back to another time and place where I was afraid all the time.  I learned not to show my vulnerabilities because it felt dangerous. It was met with either ridicule or pity, neither helpful.

As my panic started to subside, I understood why Jon wanted to drive me.  I would have wanted to do the same for him.  But I was already on the road, the playlist for our performance playing on repeat on my iPhone.

I was nervous when I first got to class.

I watched the others dance for a while then Kathleen helped me secure my headscarf so it wouldn’t slip off.  After that, we got right to it,  dancing and going over how we would enter and leave the stage.  I was so caught up in it all I didn’t have a chance to think about anything but what we were doing.

I didn’t feel any of the fatigue that had been coming on so suddenly for the past two weeks.  I was able to dance as if I hadn’t missed the past two classes.

When I left class I was relieved and invigorated.  Now I knew I’d be able to dance in the performance.  It’s like I had come back to life. I was back in the world and there was nothing to be afraid of.

This afternoon I’ll practice putting on make-up (a work in progress). I have my outfit ready to go but will give myself enough time before we have to leave to make adjustments if I need any. Jon and I will go together.  He’ll be taking pictures and a video of the performances one at 5:30 and the other around 6:30.

We’ll be dancing outside the Bennington Museum, next to the statue of Abraham Lincoln. I’m going to try to remember to smile and if I make a mistake and do something like turn in the wrong direction I’ll act as if I meant to.

I feel like last night when I was dancing, I broke the spell that had been hanging over me. Now I’m more excited than nervous when I think about dancing tonight.

I know I’ll be tired when we get home, but I’ll post pictures and hopefully a video tomorrow.

 

8 thoughts on “All Ready For Tonight’s BellyDancing Performance

  1. Best of luck tonight. You will be fine and do well as you always do in whatever you try. Have fun. ♥️

  2. You look fantastic! I haven’t seen a video yet. I’ll do that tomorrow. The color of that dahlia is so rich. You have me hooked on dahlias. This is my second summer with a few bulbs. They simply thrill me!

    1. Thanks Susie, I got some makeup pointers from Emily when I got there. Next time I’ll be better at that. I love that you’re hooked on dahlias! They are addictive in a really good way.

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