My Anxiety

I added some rocks to my  Jelly Roll today.

I’ve been feeling a lot of anxiety in the past few days.  It’s runs through my body and invades my mind.  It keeps me on high alert and makes me believe I have too much to do, must do it all and can never get it done.

At times it paralyzes me and twists reality.

It’s been a while since I’ve had this level of anxiety.  Talking helps.  Jon and I both know how to talk each other back to reality.  It helps to have a knowing and understanding ear.  To hear the truth and speak the truth.  The truth being the opposite of what the anxiety makes me believe.

Meditation works too.

It’s there, when I go deep enough, that my mind quiets and I can see what really matters, at least for a while.  The moments of calm remind me of how I can feel even if  at that moment my body is pulsing as if charged with electricity.

It’s difficult for me to write when I’m anxious.  My mind thinks in short spurts, jagging from one thing to another.

It reminds me that I used to feel this way all the time.  That my anxiety kept me from doing things I wanted to, because it paralyzed me and made me believe I wasn’t capable.  I didn’t know I suffered from anxiety.  I thought my anxiety was who I was.

But now I know that’s not true. Now I know who I am when I’m not anxious, and that is a very different person.

I have an idea of what triggered this latest bout of anxiety.  What matters is that I understand what happened and what is happening.  It’s this kind of knowledge and awareness that brings me back to my true self.

I know if I keep at it.  Keep talking and meditating and reminding myself of the truth I’ll soon be back. I can feel it happening already.

12 thoughts on “My Anxiety

  1. You wrote “I thought my anxiety was who I was”. I definitely understand this. I have gradually realized that I carry a lot of anxiety. I can sometimes see it and understand it but what you wrote shined a light for me, thanks. Anxiety is part of me but only a part. Seeing it in this light allows more choices to quiet it and move forward. As you know sometimes it can twist us in knots. Thank you for helping by sharing, hopefully peace and calm will be back soon.

    1. Judy, I’m so glad my writing about it helped some. I’ve been hiding it for the past few days hoping it would go away, but…there it is. I’m sorry you suffer from anxiety, I wish you all the best.

  2. Dear Maria,
    I am drawn to your stone art. The spiral is an ancient symbol used for thousands of years. It is believed it represents water, wind, sun or humans’ search for the center. To me it is a thing of beauty.


  3. That feeling of being overwhelmed is something I have felt often, in many different situations. I used to think my head would explode. Many years of therapy taught me techniques for dealing with it but mostly what helped was getting to know myself. The real me, not the one everyone wanted me to be or thought I was or ought to be! I love your spiral.

    1. Amen Carolyn! It’s so easy to judge and feel judged. It’s a powerful lesson what you have learned. Thanks for saying it here.

  4. Greetings Maria,
    This post really spoke to me. Than you for your courage to share your story with those of us traveling on parallel journey’s. Your words help me understand how anxiety has been and is a part of my being.
    The line below, in particular, brought a deep breathe to my soul. I honor your space to feel and explore your anxieties and when to decide to say them out loud. I hear you and see you—Thank you, with deep gratefulness, from my heart,Carol

    “The moments of calm remind me of how I can feel even if at that moment my body is pulsing as if charged with electricity.”

  5. Loving that stone spiral! One of my favorite symbols. The more I understand about astrology and the energies of the planets at particular times, and with my personal astrology, the more I’m able to understand when anxiety comes up for me, which is has Big Time the last few weeks…the more I understand it as an opportunity to heal on yet another level of that which needs my attention to heal.
    The energies of full moon in Scorpio and an eclipse also means intense energies for most to navigate right now. Not easy, but know you aren’t alone, though it can feel that way. Take good gentle care.

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