“Love As An Effort”

Jon in his garden yesterday

I was coming back from mucking out the barn yesterday morning (the day after we came home from the hospital) and there was Jon tending his flowers.

Since he has a concussion and gets dizzy unexpectedly, as well as difficulty getting up from chairs and walking up and down stairs because of the bruising to his back, we agreed that he wouldn’t walk around without me.

But I was too happy to see Jon deadheading his flowers and taking their pictures to be upset with him.  Too happy to see him being Jon.

This morning on his Recovery Journal Jon wrote about how he has a team of women and men around him that he is listening to.  I know he’s trying.  And I probably wouldn’t be much better at it than he is.

Love is a growing thing that sometimes makes my heart swell and sometimes is so frustrating I want to stamp my feet and scream.

I’ve never read a better description of love than the one written by Emily Habeck in her novel Shark Heart, about a woman whose husband is turning into a Great White Shark….

“The surface of love was a feeling, but beyond this thin layer, there was a fathomless, winding maze of caverns offering many places to see and explore.  Wren used to think romantic passion only grew more intense in the depths.  But this belief was naive and impractical, a by-product of a certainty-obsessed culture that equates love with longing and views ambivalence as a fatal flaw. 

Wren saw now how passion was delicate and temporary, a visitor, a feeling that would come and go.  Feelings fled under pressure;  feelings did not light the darkness. What remained strong in the deep, the hard times, was love as an effort, a doing, a conscious act of will.  Soulmates, like her and Lewis, were not theoretical and found.  They were tangible, built.”   from “Shark Heart” by Emily Habeck

4 thoughts on ““Love As An Effort”

  1. Maria, Jon looks so handsome in this photo. You can see your love and attraction for him here. It’s the simple moments that are so precious.

    I love your quote. Soulmate relationship are not easy, we have to be awake and present at all times and dive deep into the abyss of unknowing.

    I would never ask to live it differently. It’s so worth it on every level.

  2. Dear Maria…I’m not even sure what to say given all you and Jon have gone through the past few days. I feel your very deep and very normal and reasonable up and down emotions in my entire body. I feel your fear and your relief and I understand how you were so happy that Jon was being Jon in his garden…despite wanting him to rest. My husband and I are both in our early 70’s. Married 40 years. We’ve had discussions about the future, of course. We can’t know what or how things will play out. But we have concluded, that whatever happens to either of us first, we each hold onto the profound knowing of our deep and everlasting love for each other. Nothing will change that. Ever. Whoever transitions from this physical world first, will go with the undying love of the other locked in every cell of their being. It sounds simple in a way…it’s the best and only parting gift we want to offer each other. And we are secure in that…regardless of what happens and when, that knowing, that love, what we have built and continue to build, is our forever. I find strength in your strength. And power in your raw honesty. And comfort in your words that echo my thoughts in such frightening moments. Thank you for such personal sharing. Oh so relieved and happy that you are both ok. Sending much love and continued healing to both you and Jon. Always…Kathye

    1. That love Kathye, I don’t know for sure, but I believe the same as you wrote about it. Maybe I do know, though, even though we’re not there yet. Because like you say I can feel it in my cells. I love to hear of such a long and loving marriage as your own. It gives me such hope!

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