The accident has shocked me in a way that I’m suddenly very aware that the panic I’ve been feeling since being triggered, really isn’t a danger to me anymore….I texted my friend Jackie.
She wrote back that it’s an old story in my life and it doesn’t have power over me anymore. If we can give the story power, we can also take it away.
We get to choose, I texted her back.
We texted some more about how I’ll probably never know the details about what happened to me, and at this point I don’t need to. It’s more feeling than anything. I can’t change that. I can’t change the past. But I can choose what I want to do with the information that I do have.
The only thing we can change is what we do with it now, how we live with and carry it, Jackie texted.
I don’t know what Jackie was doing while we were texting, but I was working on my quilt. And when I looked at the piece in the center with the two women sitting at the table, each saying they weren’t going back, I suddenly saw the two women as Jackie and me.
Because that’s really the essence of what we were saying to each other. That both of us were choosing not to go back, but live and enjoy the lives we’ve created for ourselves.
And sure, it’s not that easy. I can’t just say the words expect to never feel the anxiety and panic ever again. It’s a continuing process. But I have the tools to deal with it now. And I feel like I’m getting to the point where I can see that it truly has no power over me.
Not Going Back, are words as small as one persons life or two friends texting and as big as the whole country.
My conversation with Jackie brought new meaning, another layer, to my quilt. And it feels to me as if that conversation is now held in the stitching.
Wowww.
:)
Breathing into the conversation is being held in the stitching. Big and important stuff.
Nice Sharon. Thanks.
Maria, this quilt is beautiful for so many reasons. It feels like in it, you represent all of us women – and that the old ways of others seeing us, and us seeing ourselves, are slowly dying. How glad I am for that. I also thought about this, that joy shared is doubled, and sorrows shared are halved. That’s what my women friends do for me. I want them to share their good, bad and the ugly with me, and they want it from me, too. Having a tribe is like medicine.
I’m very glad to hear that Karla. And you are so right about friends. What a beautiful way to think about sharing ourselves. Thanks for your thoughtful words.