Dreams Don’t Lie

I first started to have the dreams when I was in my late teens.  The situation varied but there was always a man trying to harm me.  The man was always different and usually he had his arms wrapped around me so I couldn’t move.

Over the years, as the dreams continued I would try to protect myself.

Sometimes I’d have a hand free and try to poke him in the eyes. Sometimes I’ve have a  knife that I would try to stab him with.  But even then, I had no strength in my arms or hands, so as hard as I tired my efforts had no effect.

I often woke from these dreams, frightened and struggling to get free.

Then, two weeks ago I had a dream that I was in the house I grew up in. There was a  man in the house I didn’t know and who wasn’t supposed to be there.  He wasn’t wearing a shirt and was stocky with an unusually wide torso. Almost like a cartoon character.  But I knew he was dangerous.

I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I yelled at him to get out of the house.

And he did.  It was as simple as that.

Then, last week I had another dream where I was standing in a line and the man behind me grabbed me.  He held me so tight I couldn’t move my arms.  But I had one hand that I could move just a bit.  So I made my hand into the shape of a gun and shot the man with my finger.

The man let go of me and I woke up smiling.

“I just had the greatest dream,” I said to Jon, then told him about it.

I’ve always looked to my dreams and nightmares for meaning.  I’ve also come to see the healing powers of sleep, even if I don’t remember my dreams.

The significance of the shift in my dreams from being helpless to being able to  protect myself is obvious.

I feel like I have unlocked an inner strength that I didn’t have access to before this.  That all that has happened in the past month, the truth I’ve learned about my past, and my ability to makes sense of  it, has revealed my own personal  power in a way I could never see it before.

It’s as if I’m  emerging from the muddled shame, fear and delusion that clouded my consciousness and kept me from knowing the truth about myself.  Even if, for the most part, I’ve been living in that truth for years.

My dreams helped make me aware of this change happening  inside of me.

I’ve always paid attention to my dreams  because I found them interesting and looked to them for clues and answers.

But after this experience and hearing from a professional that I trust that dreams can “help us solve or alleviate issues in an unconscious state,”  I have even more faith in them.

So now,  I will take them even more seriously, leaving the doubts I had about their importance and significance to my life behind and trusting what they have to tell me.