Walking Through A Panic Attack

I feel the panic running through my body, I know I need to move. I want to walk in the woods, but it’s hunting season, so I go to the back pasture instead and walk up and down the hill, like a lion pacing its cage.

The more I energy I exert, the slower my heart beats and I begin to see what is right in front of me.

I go the water, the source of life.

There isn’t much, more a puddle than a pond.  It’s cold and there’s snow on the ground but the water isn’t frozen.

Anyone who lives there must be hibernating by now.  Cozy under the mud.

I sink into the marsh grasses, yellow and dry, covered with icy snow.  They arch over the ground becoming small grass huts.

We walk where there is water in the spring and summer.  Now dry, the mud frozen, Fate walks the passageway overhung with pussy willows that leads from the pond to the marsh.

I follow.

For years, I’ve watched ducks and geese swim the narrow entrance to safety, but have never passed through it myself till now.

Through movement,  curiosity and wonder, I have brought myself back to myself.  By focusing on the small things, the tiny wonders right in front of me, I’ve come back to the present moment.

My panic gone.

Above, a nest in the pussy willows.  Below, grasses from the nest wrapped around the branches that hold it.