Search Results for: i'm not a ghost

Can an affirmation have a negative word in it?  This one does.  The words came to me after a phone conversation that left me feeling like I was unknown and unseen.

The affirmation was that those feelings, no matter where they come from, don’t make me who I am.

After the words came to me, I sat down on my studio floor and cutting apart a collage I made weeks before, I sewed the image of the woman and sheep to an old quilt backing.  Then I used one of the appliques from the front of the quilt to create the sun, shining light on the reality of my being a very real, solid person.

I believe I’m not alone in these feelings which is why I made the fabric painting into postcards and now a magnet.

They are both for sale in my Etsy Shop.  My magnets are 4″x2 3/4″ and are $6 + $1 shipping for one or more.  You can buy them here.  

I’m thinking of these as my  I Am postcards.  They are all about an affirmation of the self.

That’s why I thought I’d sell them all together.  They make a good pack of cards.  Cards that when they go through the mail are seen by everyone who handles them as well as the person who sent them and the person receiving them.

It’s another way of getting a good message out into the world.  And I bet the postal worker could use a good message these days.

The images on the postcards come from my fabric paintings and collage.  The words are the titles so if you search for them on the blog, you’ll get to read all about the images, where the idea for them came from and how I made them.

I’m selling my postcards in packs of 6.  They’re 4″x6″ and are $12 and shipping is free.  You can buy them here in my Etsy Shop. 

Or you can email me at maria@fullmoonfiberart and let me know what you’d like.  I take checks and paypal. 

I’m selling them as a pack of these three different cards (2 of each card) or if you want six of one card you can also buy them that way.

I just put my latest fabric painting, “I’m Not A Ghost” in the mail to its new owner.  But before I did, I sent a photo of it to Sara Kelly and asked her to design a postcard of it.  She got back to me with the image above.

I got a little choked up when I saw it, the typeface and colors just right.

I immediately sent it to Brad our local printer along with my collage image “I belong to me”, which Sara also helped me size and make some changes on the lettering so it too could be made into a 4×6 postcard.

Both Sara’s and Brad’s businesses have suffered during the Corona Virus.  Sara had been doing more painting, and during the lockdown Brad took care of his kids while his wife, who is an essential worker, kept working.  I feel even more fortunate to have them than ever.

I’ll be selling both postcards in my Etsy Shop when I get them.

I got off the phone and the first words that came to my mind were, “I’m a ghost”.

I had been talking to my mother, transported by our conversation, to the family dynamic I grew up in.  The feeling that I was now only a specter on the periphery of the workings of my birth family was so strong.

I could see myself lurking around the edges of scenes that used to make up my life.  I wasn’t invisible, but transparent, without substance,  like an afterthought.

The feeling filled me up, the anxiety looking for release.   I circled my studio the pulled out my collage materials.

I took one of the collages I had started but not finished that was hanging on my wall and began working on it.  And as I glued and drew and painted,  I found I was repeating to myself, the words “I’m not a ghost.”   

Now I saw myself working in my studio, my body solid, my feet on the floor.   A whole and grounded person.

That I am not a ghost is a fact, I thought reverting to the technique that I was taught in therapy.  When I feel the anxiety I tell myself the facts. Cutting new paths in my neural system.  Distinguishing between my thinking and the thinking I was taught to believe.

Once I cut out the shapes of the girl and the sheep, the work went quickly.  I pulled most of what I had put on them off, revealing some of the first collage layers.  I placed them on the backing of an old quilt and used one of the appliques from the front of the quilt as a shining sun, placing them in a landscape.

When I figured out that I wanted to sew the images down, it was just a matter of choosing the thread and stitch.

I finished it off with a backing and sleeve at the top to hang it.

“I’m Not A Ghost” is sold.

I woke up imagining the different ways of attaching the canvas-backed collage pieces to the old quilt back in the fabric painting I started yesterday.

I looked into some fabric glues, but I have this thing about edges and the way things connect to each other.

I wanted the pieces to be more a part of, more integrated with the backing.

So I did some experimenting with sewing the canvas onto the quilt.  I didn’t think a needle would easily pass through some of the thicker layers of paper, paint, glue and matte medium, I did bend two needles, but I was surprised that I was able to push them through it all on a scrap from the original collage.

I was happy with the way the stitches looked and how the fabric around it seemed to embrace the canvas collage.  I also like the idea that I’m keeping in the tradition of the quilt itself.  The front of the quilt has quarter circles (the “sun” in this piece, not pictured here, is one of them) appliqued to it.

Once I decided I would stitch the canvas collages down and what kind of stitch to use, I attached the small square of fabric with the boots drawn on them to the quilt back with matte medium.  Then I started sewing.

I got the sheep completely sewn down then started on the girl.  I won’t get to finish her tonight.  I’ll be leaving for Bellydancing in a little while.  But the stitch I’m using around the edge of her is just right so it will be fun to get back to working on it tomorrow.

I pulled a piece of cardboard from behind my desk and put it on my studio floor.  I took out my collage materials and chose one of the collages I started a while back.

I don’t know how long I worked on it, but time seemed to go quickly.  Finally, I cut two of the figures out of the collage pulled most of what I had glued on top of the girl off, and drew her a pair of legs.

I placed her and the sheep on a piece of old quilt backing and took one of the appliques from the front of the quilt and hung it in the corner like a sun.

The girl and sheep made of canvas.  I haven’t attached them to the quilt yet, I’m not sure how I will, but I’ll figure it out.

As I placed each piece of fabric down on the quilt back, as I drew the legs and boots, I knew it was right. I knew it was saying exactly what I wanted it to.

I know the title too, it’s called “I Am Not A Ghost.”

“I do enough, I have enough, I am enough. All is well.” ” That’s how my yoga teacher starts off each class,” Susan wrote to me.

Susan sent one of my I Am Enough posters to her teacher and I’ve adopted that mantra.

At night, when I can’t sleep, I close my eyes, put my hand on my belly to feel my breath move in and out, and repeat those words over and over.  Sometimes, I imagine writing them with my sewing machine. The grand up-swoop of the cursive “I” the repetitive mounds of the “m”.

This morning as I was packing my “Hope” quilt into its box, I noticed I had only three potholders in my Etsy Shop and decided to spend some time this week making more. But I also noticed how the three potholders I did have went so well with some of my magnets and postcards.

It’s the curator in me that wanted to see them together.

So I arranged them on the floor and took some pictures.

They make a nice little package I thought.  And remembered how Jody bought one of my magnets and a Flying Vulva decal as part of a gift for a friend who was turning 50.

I’ll have some new Intuitive Patchwork Potholders in my shop sometime next week.  Until then I do have it stocked with reproductions of my fiber art in a few different forms.   With each order, I send one of my Shield of Words Postcards and an Owl Woman sticker.

And I’ll leave you with a message from Stephanie about Mary Kellogg’s book This Time Of Life. A five-star review in my opinion…

“I received Mary’s book a couple of days ago and was moved to tears by her poems. Please tell her thank you from me and how very much I could relate to them.” Stephanie