Earth Time

I was tired when we began our walk.  I wasn’t even sure it was a good idea.  But as I trudged up the hill, my feet heavy in my boots, my mind started to clear.

I told myself I didn’t want to think of all the things I still needed to do, I wanted to be present.  I wanted to feel the trees as I walked by them, to fill my brain with what was in front of me at the moment I was seeing it.

I focused on my breathing and felt my chest swell, as if it were leading me, the rest of my body following. I let the thoughts that ran through my head do what they wanted, ignoring them, so soon they floated away.  As I walked, my feet felt lighter as if I were being pulled along by the upper part of my body.

I breathed in opening my heart and kept it open when I breathed out too.

Suddenly Fate and Zinnia left the path and ran into the woods.  I followed them with my eyes and saw the flash of the long upright white tail bobbing like a ghost through the trees.

Soon I got to the place where the deer had been before we interrupted her.

I could tell she was there by the smell.  Like urine without the sting and decaying leaves. Not a bad smell, it was earthy and real.  Then I saw how the leaves were pushed aside and the ground scratched at where the deer had been searching for something to eat.

The dogs came back as they do and we moved on until  Fate stopped.  She waited ahead of me where the path can either turn right or go straight.   I stopped myself to decide which way to go when I saw the turkeys.  There were two of them moving quickly and very quietly, for turkeys.

They hurried out of sight and I decided to take the long path so we wouldn’t disturb them.

I thought of the owl and how we hadn’t seen her in a while.  Maybe she had enough of us.  Had checked us and figured we were okay and not going to do harm to her woods. I did pay attention to the trees with the holes in them and wondered if she lived in one of them.

My walk in the woods turned out to be restorative.  I was less tired when we left the woods than when we started.  And now I had perspective about all those things that had occupied my mind, that seemed so important and had to be done right away.

I think my walk in the woods opened me up to earth time.  So much slower than human time. Time measured by the season, by a leaf suspended, or a fern still green when all else is turning.

Another Visit With The Barred Owl

Now the path was covered in leaves.  Mostly a mottled yellow and pink but depending on the trees it might turn a rich reddish-orange almost as if someone had covered the ground with a throw rug.

Yesterday’s rain brought down a lot of the leaves.  But it must be too cold for most mushrooms. We didn’t see any orange newts either.

But we did see the Barred Owl.

The afternoon sun specked the woods with bright yellow light,  the shadows were a dark contrast, until I came to the part of the path that curved sharply to the left.

The woods around me had not changed, but further ahead the trees seemed to create an archway and beyond it, the forest looked like it was shrouded in a soft yellow haze.

I thought of how painters soften their colors as a way of creating perspective.  All those foggy landscapes behind the portraits of wealthy patrons or mystical beings.

I wanted to be in that soft glowing place.

But I stood looking at it a while longer, not wanting to hurry. I was afraid it would be like the mist on the farm in the mornings.  How it seems to dissipate when I walk into it. Yet at a distance, it’s so thick the trees are ghosts.

So I walked slowly, thinking that even if it faded as I got closer, I’d try to hold onto the feeling it evoked in me. That desire to dull my senses, to soften like the light.

When I finally did step over the threshold into that magical space I realized it was as much the yellowing ferns on the ground and the smooth gray bark of the beech trees as the light.

I walked the deer trail through the ferns that reminded me of faded paper,  my gaze gentle, the muscles in my face relaxing, my footfalls purposeful.

I was in the distance, in the background of the painting.  The part painted by the student of the master painter, whose name would never be known. A peaceful place to be.

But it didn’t last long.  Soon I was around the bend and up the hill.  That’s when the owl came again.

Fate and Zinnia were ahead of me and she flew between us across the path.  She landed close enough so I could see her eyes, and the lighter markings on her feathers.  Once again I said hello.

Soon she flew to a tree further away but still in sight.  I watched her until she swooped down from the branch in the opposite direction and disappeared into the woods.

I’m no longer surprised to see the owl.  I almost expect it. But, still,  I’m delighted and curious about how she keeps showing up.

The only mushrooms I saw. They were about an inch tall and growing on a moss-covered tree trunk.

I’m Not A Ghost Magnet For Sale

I’m Not A Ghost Magnets for sale in my Etsy Shop

Can an affirmation have a negative word in it?  This one does.  The words came to me after a phone conversation that left me feeling like I was unknown and unseen.

The affirmation was that those feelings, no matter where they come from, don’t make me who I am.

After the words came to me, I sat down on my studio floor and cutting apart a collage I made weeks before, I sewed the image of the woman and sheep to an old quilt backing.  Then I used one of the appliques from the front of the quilt to create the sun, shining light on the reality of my being a very real, solid person.

I believe I’m not alone in these feelings which is why I made the fabric painting into postcards and now a magnet.

They are both for sale in my Etsy Shop.  My magnets are 4″x2 3/4″ and are $6 + $1 shipping for one or more.  You can buy them here.  


I’m Not A Ghost And I Belong To Me Postcards For Sale

My I Am Postcards.  Three different 4×6″ postcards, a pack of six cards total for $12 including shipping.  For sale in my Etsy Shop.

I’m thinking of these as my  I Am postcards.  They are all about an affirmation of the self.

That’s why I thought I’d sell them all together.  They make a good pack of cards.  Cards that when they go through the mail are seen by everyone who handles them as well as the person who sent them and the person receiving them.

It’s another way of getting a good message out into the world.  And I bet the postal worker could use a good message these days.

The images on the postcards come from my fabric paintings and collage.  The words are the titles so if you search for them on the blog, you’ll get to read all about the images, where the idea for them came from and how I made them.

I’m selling my postcards in packs of 6.  They’re 4″x6″ and are $12 and shipping is free.  You can buy them here in my Etsy Shop. 

Or you can email me at maria@fullmoonfiberart and let me know what you’d like.  I take checks and paypal. 

I’m selling them as a pack of these three different cards (2 of each card) or if you want six of one card you can also buy them that way.

I’m Not A Ghost pack of six postcards for $12 including shipping. 
I Belong to Me Pack of six postcards, $12 including shipping. 
I Am Enough pack of 6 postcards for $12 including shipping.


“I’m Not A Ghost” Postcard

I just put my latest fabric painting, “I’m Not A Ghost” in the mail to its new owner.  But before I did, I sent a photo of it to Sara Kelly and asked her to design a postcard of it.  She got back to me with the image above.

I got a little choked up when I saw it, the typeface and colors just right.

I immediately sent it to Brad our local printer along with my collage image “I belong to me”, which Sara also helped me size and make some changes on the lettering so it too could be made into a 4×6 postcard.

Both Sara’s and Brad’s businesses have suffered during the Corona Virus.  Sara had been doing more painting, and during the lockdown Brad took care of his kids while his wife, who is an essential worker, kept working.  I feel even more fortunate to have them than ever.

I’ll be selling both postcards in my Etsy Shop when I get them.

I’m Not A Ghost

I’m Not A Ghost

I got off the phone and the first words that came to my mind were, “I’m a ghost”.

I had been talking to my mother, transported by our conversation, to the family dynamic I grew up in.  The feeling that I was now only a specter on the periphery of the workings of my birth family was so strong.

I could see myself lurking around the edges of scenes that used to make up my life.  I wasn’t invisible, but transparent, without substance,  like an afterthought.

The feeling filled me up, the anxiety looking for release.   I circled my studio the pulled out my collage materials.

I took one of the collages I had started but not finished that was hanging on my wall and began working on it.  And as I glued and drew and painted,  I found I was repeating to myself, the words “I’m not a ghost.”   

Now I saw myself working in my studio, my body solid, my feet on the floor.   A whole and grounded person.

That I am not a ghost is a fact, I thought reverting to the technique that I was taught in therapy.  When I feel the anxiety I tell myself the facts. Cutting new paths in my neural system.  Distinguishing between my thinking and the thinking I was taught to believe.

Once I cut out the shapes of the girl and the sheep, the work went quickly.  I pulled most of what I had put on them off, revealing some of the first collage layers.  I placed them on the backing of an old quilt and used one of the appliques from the front of the quilt as a shining sun, placing them in a landscape.

When I figured out that I wanted to sew the images down, it was just a matter of choosing the thread and stitch.

I finished it off with a backing and sleeve at the top to hang it.

I’m Not A Ghost” is sold.

You can see the two different stitches I used to sew the images down.  You can also see the yellow quilting stitches on the old quilt.



Working On “I’m Not A Ghost”

Working on  “I’m not a Ghost”

I woke up imagining the different ways of attaching the canvas-backed collage pieces to the old quilt back in the fabric painting I started yesterday.

I looked into some fabric glues, but I have this thing about edges and the way things connect to each other.

I wanted the pieces to be more a part of, more integrated with the backing.

So I did some experimenting with sewing the canvas onto the quilt.  I didn’t think a needle would easily pass through some of the thicker layers of paper, paint, glue and matte medium, I did bend two needles, but I was surprised that I was able to push them through it all on a scrap from the original collage.

Practicing sewing down scraps from the collage.

I was happy with the way the stitches looked and how the fabric around it seemed to embrace the canvas collage.  I also like the idea that I’m keeping in the tradition of the quilt itself.  The front of the quilt has quarter circles (the “sun” in this piece, not pictured here, is one of them) appliqued to it.

Once I decided I would stitch the canvas collages down and what kind of stitch to use, I attached the small square of fabric with the boots drawn on them to the quilt back with matte medium.  Then I started sewing.

I got the sheep completely sewn down then started on the girl.  I won’t get to finish her tonight.  I’ll be leaving for Bellydancing in a little while.  But the stitch I’m using around the edge of her is just right so it will be fun to get back to working on it tomorrow.




I Am Not A Ghost

I pulled a piece of cardboard from behind my desk and put it on my studio floor.  I took out my collage materials and chose one of the collages I started a while back.

I don’t know how long I worked on it, but time seemed to go quickly.  Finally, I cut two of the figures out of the collage pulled most of what I had glued on top of the girl off, and drew her a pair of legs.

I placed her and the sheep on a piece of old quilt backing and took one of the appliques from the front of the quilt and hung it in the corner like a sun.

The girl and sheep made of canvas.  I haven’t attached them to the quilt yet, I’m not sure how I will, but I’ll figure it out.

As I placed each piece of fabric down on the quilt back, as I drew the legs and boots, I knew it was right. I knew it was saying exactly what I wanted it to.

I know the title too, it’s called “I Am Not A Ghost.”

The Ghost Girl and “Little Maria”


It was one of those big old houses that had so many rooms, it was easy to get lost in,  even though I lived there.

Everything was covered in shades of dirty white peeling paint.  I walked  to the end of the hallway where the bathroom was.  Across from it was a bedroom and as I reached out for the bathroom doorknob, I felt five small, warm, soft fingers take my hand.

And although I knew I  was alone, the feeling was so visceral,  I could actually see the small  disembodied fingers on mine.

I knew it was a ghost and I tried to yell.

But  I was so scared, that not only couldn’t I make a sound, but I couldn’t move either.   I kept trying to yell.  After a while I was finally  able to move my body and I ran down the hallway and down the stairs to the first floor of the house.

It was only when I was downstairs and had calmed down, that I realized the ghost was a little girl and that I didn’t need to be afraid of her.  That she was probably looking for help to move on to the other side.

That’s when I woke up.

The dream got my attention.

It haunted me throughout the day. I began to wonder if the ghost girl in my dream wasn’t the same as  the “little Maria” that I’ve talked with over the years.  The little girl  who is me, who still lives inside of me.  The one who I’ve learned to reassure and sooth when I find myself scared or anxious for no good reason.

Maybe, like the ghost girl in the dream, the “‘little Maria” inside of me is ready to move on.

Ready to be integrated with who I am now.

I first spoke to “Little Maria” in therapy over 10 years ago.  “Go back in your mind”,  Selma, my therapist said to me, “to those times when you were frightening, traumatized.  Rescue your younger self. Talk to her, tell her what you wanted to hear back then.   Do what you have to do to get her out of those situations and into a safe place”.

We’ve been though a lot together me and “Little Maria”.  We’ve revisited many frightening  times and places from the past.  And I rescued her from all of them. Comforting and reassuring  her.  Bringing her home to live with me as I am now.

Is it time for me to let go of “Little Maria”?  How do I even do that?  Do I tell her, like I would a ghost, to “Go the light“?  That’ doesn’t feel right.  I can’t send her back out alone.

So maybe it’s not about letting go, but becoming one with each other.  It is an integration after all.  An integrated self.  I don’t know how that would happen.  At this moment, I can’t imagine it.

But I will.

I’ll work on it.  Research it. Figure it out.  Because I believe in this dream and what it’s telling me.  I wouldn’t hesitate to help the ghost girl in my dream to move on, I’m not going to hesitate to help myself.



It’s Time To Wake Up and Live

clementine star done

I Finished sewing my wall hanging today.  It’s called “Your Moon is Full” and it is sold.  While I was working on it, I noticed the back and thought it was kinda interesting looking.  Ghost like, so I took a picture of it.  I like the line the bobbin thread makes, delicate and sketchy, like a soft pencil line. It’s gets me thinking….

The back of Time to Wake up and live.
The back of “Your Moon is Full”
Full Moon Fiber Art