“Get out of my chair”, the man in my dream, said to me. I didn’t know the man, but I knew of him. He was an arrogant, self-centered person, who liked to have things his way. I didn’t hesitate to tell him that he couldn’t talk to me that way, that he had to ask me, not tell me, if he wanted me to do something.
He didn’t understand what I was saying, so I gave him examples of how he could ask me to let him sit in the chair I was sitting in. But he couldn’t do it. He couldn’t form the words in his mouth. They came out all jumbled up.
This dream is strangely close to an experience a friend of mind recently had with someone she works with. Not the part about the man not being able to form the words, but how she stood up to him.
My friend’s story and now the dream make me think of the button that Kimberly sent me after receiving my Flying Vulva Button in the mail. The button Kimberly sent me says “Fuck Politeness“.
That idea of being polite or feeling sorry for men who are rude or violate me in some way, is one that is ingrained in me. Some women, bless them, are naturals at not taking crap from men and standing up for themselves. But it’s a relatively new way of being for me. And one that I still work at.
I’m better than I used to be. As Jon says, I have no problem letting him know exactly how I feel about things. But that comes more from trusting him. And he doesn’t treat me in that way.
I imagine the idea of giving in to men in this way, goes way back to when women needed men to protect them. But as Jenny Holtzer says, Men Don’t Protect You Anymore.
Still, it’s in many of us to make excuses for men, which, like making excuses for children who misbehave, only makes them believe it’s something they have the right to do.
I’m thinking of my friend Susan who stood up to the man at work who was really rude to her. And how he didn’t apologize but, for the rest of the day, changed the way he spoke to her. They even had a normal conversation. But the next time they worked together the same thing happened and she had to make her feeling known again.
Most of us aren’t going to change a life time of behavior because of one conversation. I know for me, this idea of sticking up for myself, of not falling back on old habits of allowing men to treat me as if I’m inferior to them is on my mind. Because I work at home and mostly get to choose the people I associate with, it doesn’t happen often anymore. But my subconscious is telling me something in this dream.
Maybe it’s not so much about my personal relationships, but about the current women’s movement and my place and part in it.
So I’m inspired by my dream to once again let everyone know about my Flying Vulva Decals and Buttons, as a reminder of the work we need to constantly be doing to balance the personal and social relationships between women and men.
If you’d like free Flying Vulva Decal, just send a self-addressed stamped envelope in the mail to Maria Wulf PO Box 205 Cambridge NY 12816.
I’m also offering my Flying Vulva Buttons for the cost of shipping, which is $2. Or if you buy anything from my Etsy Shop and would like a Flying Vulva Button just ask and I’ll put one in the package for free.