Last night I had a dream that I was walking in the woods and something was following me. It wasn’t walking behind me, but along side me. I couldn’t see it, because it was off the path in the thick woods, but I knew it was a bear. When I ran, it ran, when I walked, it slowed down. I didn’t feel threatened by the bear, but it didn’t feel good either.
When I looked up the meaning of being chased by a bear in a dream, I found it meant I was avoiding something that I needed to confront.
That’s when I thought of the holidays. How they’re beginning to loom over me. How I wish they would just go away. Then Jon suggested that we don’t celebrate Christmas. And the holidays started to feel a little bit better. It’s been a dream of mine for a long time to do just that. But Jon always seemed to want to try to make the day special and I didn’t want to take that away from him.
So this year we’re thinking differently about the holidays. Not running from them, but making them what we want them to be. And Christmas, as a day of being together with Jon, and the animals, reading, walking, taking it easy, that feels really good to me.
So when I went into my studio this morning and was looking through my vintage hankies to make more scarves, I found the stash of Christmas hankies. I could have left them in my box, but then I knew they’d be there for at least another year.
So I decided to put them together and make them into a Christmas Scarf. Just the opposite of what I want from my holidays. But, while I know I’m not alone in my distress this time of year, I also know there are so many people who genuinely enjoy the season. It has meaning for them that I’ve never been able to grasp. So I like the idea of sending these Christmas hankies, some of them soft with wear and others stiff with having been kept safe for years, back out into the world.
They’ll bring someone some Christmas joy, not something that would happen if I left them in my hankie box. And I have to say, I like the way the design of this scarf came out.
Also, I’m tired of running from the bear. Maybe this year we can just coexist.