Welcome Home Divine Feminine… Soul Retrieval Continued

“Oh fuck”, I said out loud, a smile spreading over my face as I head the sound of Paul McCartney’s voice floating into the healing room from Carol’s ipod in the kitchen.  The words, forgotten for so many years and so familiar “…Mother Mary came to me speaking words of wisdom, let it be, let it be.”  One of Carol’s spirit guides told her to play the song and she bought it on iTunes.

The memory came back.  It was a midnight movie at the Uniondale Mini-Cinema on Long Island.  I was probably 17, probably drunk or stoned.  I wasn’t a Beatles fan, it must have been a double feature with Rocky Horror or Quadrophenia.  But all I remember about that night  is the feeling that came over me when I heard  and understood the meaning of the words.  Let it be.  A profound truth to live by, surrender and ease instead of struggle, trust in something greater than myself. And there was something feminine about it.  Mother Mary was delivering the message.  A compassionate, nurturing message.

At the time I didn’t know what one had to do with the other, but listening to the song I felt the return of the 14 year old girl.  I don’t have specific memories of being 14.  Most of Jr High is a blur for me.  But there she was, I didn’t see her, just felt her and knew her as the 14 year old girl.  I had a feeling of something lost in puberty.

I sat up on the table and hugged my knees,  my mouth hanging open in wonder at the whole thing.  The music ended and I was suddenly scared.  So was the 14 year old girl.  I felt her drifting away and called for Carol who had left the room.  Carole told me to welcome the girl back.  To let her know it was safe and that I loved her and that everything was all right, I would take care of her.  So I did and she stayed.  I know she stayed, because I could feel her presence inside of me filling an emptiness that had made me weak and wanting.  I felt different, like there was a new light in my eyes, a comforting pressure in my gut.  I felt full, I felt whole.

I still don’t completely understand it all, but Carole said it was the return of the Divine Feminine.  Earlier,  during the Soul Retrieval I said to her “That’s the part of me that dances”  and  at the same time, she had seen the Goddess Diana and the Unicorn.   Diana is the virgin goddess of the hunt and wilderness.  She communicates with animals and has disdain for men.  I think maybe that’s where I stayed when the 14 year old left me, dancing with Diana.   It had something to do with going through puberty, not being able to embrace the Divine Feminine in myself.

As I was leaving Carol told me that my Divine Feminine Spirit Guide was with me.  I pictured the Virgin Mary, like in the song, but didn’t say anything.  Carol laughed and said,” No, she said to tell you she dances and has wings”

I had spent my life trying to  convince myself  I was as worthy of and as strong as men were.  Suddenly the argument was over. I knew the power of the  Divine Feminine, I could feel it’s  strength inside of me.

And I changed and am still changing.  Growing more confident and stronger all the time.  Dealing with emotional and practical issues in my life in a more open, honest and grounded way.  I trust and believe in myself and have faith in the unknown.