I’ve been working steadily on Ellen’s quilts. Today I finished the first one. I was tired all day but crashed after lunch. I took a nap and when I woke up I realized I didn’t have the energy to go to Bellydancing class.
I have the feeling it’s probably menopausal, but I’m not completely sure. Ever since I decided I didn’t want to have an Open House this year, I’ve been feeling like retreating inside of myself. I often don’t feel like taking pictures or blogging. I feel like I’m spread too thin.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about friends. I seem to have two kinds, the ones I know from my life and the ones I know from my blog. I’m coming to see how they’re very different and they rarely overlap.
It’s a learning experience for me. A new way of understanding the idea of friendship. And I’m going through a period of feeling more reluctant to open myself up in the ways I have in the past.
I know this will pass and I’ll come to a comfortable place again.
I believe I have a choice of allowing life to close me up or to keep an open heart. I was closed up for most of my life and ultimately, it didn’t work for me. I intend to keep a soft, open heart and a strong center, complete with boundaries.
I’m learning, once again, how to do that.
So if my blog has seemed a bit remote, this is the reason why. Through this transition, my work has helped keep me grounded. And it’s at the same time that Jon and I started our Podcast, which really is the antithesis of retreating. I’m not really surprised by this dichotomy anymore. It’s often how creativity and life works.
That push and pull. Stepping back and moving forward at the same time.