Lately, I feel like I’ve been able to enter a space inside of myself that is vaguely familiar, like a memory I had completely forgotten.
It’s as if I’ve been looking through a scrim of anxiety and fear my whole life and it’s clearing.
When I’m there, my mind is quiet and my body calm. It’s a different way of being. I think it’s the reality of being very present. Of having only the thoughts and observations of the moment, not the past or the imaginings of the future. When I’m there I can see more clearly. There is nothing between me and what I am looking at. I move more slowly. I think I’m perceiving the world around me more truthfully.
Right now I only get glimpses of this reality. But unlike before, now I know it exists.
In a way, it’s like walking through the woods and seeing shadows and movement from the corner of my eye. One day I’ll turn quickly enough or be still enough to see those fleeting images for what they truly are.