I feel like I haven’t been home in such a long time and so much has happened when I was gone and in the couple of days I was home between trips. Besides the practical stuff that needs to be done, (I haven’t gotten to my email in days and have only sporadically been on facebook) I have so many emotions and ideas and thoughts racing through me.
The sheep were shorn while we were away. I hardly recognized Kim, who looks more like a goat now than a sheep. And Ted the ram is somehow more handsome without his wool coat. Liam and Pumpkin are hopping around the pasture, like they’ve always been there and Ma’s twins, are suckling and sleeping and suckling and sleeping.
And Zelda is different too. Her lamb was born dead while we were in New York. When we got home this afternoon she was grazing with the other sheep. I squatted next to her in the pasture and so unlike Zelda she didn’t stop grazing or move away. Later she was laying the spot where she had birthed her lamb. I sat next to her and once again she didn’t move. I placed my hand on her back and still she didn’t move. I listened. We sat like that for a while me listening, Zelda not moving. And I cried. After a few minutes, Zelda got up. She called out as if looking for her lamb. One of Ma’s twins was resting apart from the other sheep. She answered Zelda’s call. They walked towards each other and Zelda sniffed the lamb. You probably know what I was wishing would happen next. That the twin would suckle Zelda and since Ma had two lambs, she wouldn’t mind Zelda taking care of one of them. But that’s not what happened, instead, Ma came between them, pushing the lamb away from Zelda.
A few minutes after all this happened, Zelda was out grazing with the rest of the sheep. I know Zelda will be okay, just as Kim was after her lamb died earlier in the year. And that my story for her is not her story. But it’s sad to see, so I cry and sit and listen.