On Friday I had a very strange dream about a tiny baby, only a few inches long, who I couldn’t hold on to. She kept bouncing out of my hands. Finally I put her on a chain around my neck but then her body fell off and there was only her head left. When I woke up the feeling of my inadequacy from the dream haunted me. I began slipping into a dark place of insecurity and self-doubt.
The night before I went to bed questioning a recent decision. I felt like there were too many contradictory voices inside my head and I couldn’t distinguish between them. I didn’t know what was the right thing for me to do.
I had searched outside for the answer, but now I knew it was time to go inside and find my own truth. So I sat on the bed and meditated, asking for help.
Trying to leave my head behind I checked in with my heart, which was shielded, trying to protect itself. I checked in with my gut, which was strong and knowing. I checked in with my womb, which was empty, waiting to create.
After a while I heard the words Let go. I sat longer and then heard a voice saying All you have to do is live your life.
As I opened my eyes, the other voices left my head. I had no doubt what to do.
Jon and I fed the animals, took a walk and then I got to work, trusting that I was doing what I needed to do.
I found some Native American Drumming on Apple Music and made the piece above. When I imagined the goddesses under the snake boat they were standing still. It was because of the drumming that they started to dance. For me they captured the mystery of movement.
It wants a border, but by the time I finished stitching I was done for the day. I’ll work on that next week.
Grounded and moving. Awareness and action. Trusting the Mystery.