I Am

I had just come in from feeding the animals.  Jon was in the shower so I had some time before breakfast. I could think of a bunch of things that needed to be done, but instead of finding something to keep me busy, I sat on the chair in the living room and set the timer on my iPhone for 20 minutes.

For the past couple of weeks, I’ve been keeping to pretty regular meditation practice.  I found that if I meditate for a half-hour a day, in one sitting or two,  I can handle my anxiety better.

Today when I sat down, I asked the question “What is the truth about me”.

I’ve asked this question before and because of it have come to question some beliefs I’ve held about myself, both good and bad. And I’ve been thinking about it that way.  As a question of morality.

But this morning as I sat, I began to feel as if I were an empty vessel.  The bottom of my belly was the rounded bottom of the vessel, the top of it opening just below my shoulders, level with my heart chakra. And the bottom, like a cupped hand, was weighted,  grounded.

And then the words, No judgment. I am. popped into my mind.

The physical sensation of emptiness and being grounded with the simple fact of my being was a safe and reassuring place.

I sat with it, basking in it, knowing when I opened my eyes and reentered the world, that I would remember it intellectually, but that the feeling would dissipate.

And that’s just what happened.  I can relay this story and still see myself as the empty vessel, but the feeling of just being is only a distant memory.

Still, it felt important enough to make me not want to forget it so soon.  And to want to share it. So I did what I do and came up with an idea for a potholder.

I knew the general shape of the vessel.  It was the rounded bottom and open top that were most important.  I found a piece of fabric that had an unused embroidery design on it.  I like the pale lines from the design and how they fell on the vessel.  I chose a different ground fabric for each one.  All with the feeling of the vessel floating in space.

Then I stitched the words I Am on the vessel and sewed it onto the backing.  I used marker to fill in the letters.

I’ll finish making these into potholders next week and will be selling them in my Etsy Shop for $25 each.