Finding Myself Again

Fate during the last snowstorm

I lost myself.  My confidence flew from me on invisible wings. I didn’t know it was gone till I stood in my studio, unable to see what was in front of me.

My intuition shriveled, I struggled with decisions.  I couldn’t feel what I was creating. Did it come from inside of me or did it belong to someone else?  Was it even good?

I didn’t realize how vulnerable I am to the outside world crashing into mine.  I have created a life where I get to spend most of my time alone or with just one other person (Jon).  I don’t have to deal with co-workers or gallery owners.  I choose the people I want to spend time with.

But I don’t live in a bubble, and when my routine is thrown off I have my ways of adjusting, of coming back to myself.  Sometimes they work better than other times depending on what it was that rocked my world.

The most important thing I can do is stop.

Which is often difficult because I just want to get back to myself as I know me.  Back to work where I can accomplish something meaningful.

But the way back for me is to go inside of myself, through sitting meditation or a long walk.   To take the time I need to find that grounding that resides beneath the bottom of my belly and the source that glows yellow in my solar plexus.

I know what I need to do.  Now I just need to do it.

12 thoughts on “Finding Myself Again

  1. Wishing you well on your continuing journey. For me, it’s always a continuing process of unfolding, through times of difficulty and back with a deeper understanding. I hope your experience is ultimately strengthening for you as well.

    1. Thanks for your good wishes Lori. It is a continuing journey and I know what you mean about each time finding deeper understanding. I like the image of the spiral that is every widening.

  2. It’s in the knowing your self that the next step begins.
    The glow never goes out.
    So glad to hear that you are taking care of yourself.

  3. From the previous fabric pictures I want to paraphrase a book title: Dancing with the Fabrics. A book about your life rhythms, inspirations, soul and heart. Holy mother we are on the cusp of two seasons with warm days and cold nights, all your extra energy going to Robin last weekend, and a world that is tumultuous with change. I have taken many deep breaths just today.
    Do what you need to do to restore your balance.

  4. I could really resonate with this, Maria. And by the way, beautifully written. It has taken me years to get to this space of allowing these off moments and feelings to move through me. Reminding myself I’m safe and that this too shall pass. It always does.
    And how good it feels when one finds the groove again. Sure makes me appreciate and be grateful then for finding my way through once again.

  5. Sharing your path filled with vulnerability and opening to not knowing and what is, makes a difference. Your words inspire and remind me I am both in solitude and interconnections.
    in peace and deep gratitude,

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