As I write this I can hear a Raven calling out my window.
It was sometime around 3am when I woke up. Covered in sweat I pushed off the sheet. Jon was sleeping beside me and I didn’t want to wake him.
So I lay in bed my mind swirling from one fear to another. Soon I was running through what I’d work in my studio this week.
On the good nights, I wake or half wake with images flashing around me. Ideas for the next piece. I can lay in bed and “look” through the fabric on my shelves, create a drawing on my sewing machine or come up with a new way of working.
But there was nothing creative about last night. It was all about fear, what I needed to do, hadn’t done or what I might not be able to do.
Finally, I got out of bed and went downstairs. I sat on the couch and meditated.
I focused on my breathing and asked for the truth. I don’t know how long it took for me to start to feel better. But as the fear started to wane, I thought of the raven.
I’m afraid to make the raven, I thought. And with that truth, the fear instantly evaporated like the fog it always was.
I have to admit, the Raven has always scared me.
Over a year ago when the ravens at the farm first caught my attention, I thought of working with their image. But they felt too dark to me. Like they were going to take me to a place I wasn’t ready to go.
But I’m ready for the Raven now. Even if it’s just because I can’t put it off any longer.
I eased into it by making a pillow for Jon. But today I started to work on the fabric painting I’ve been thinking about for over a year.
Using an old quilt for a backing I mixed up my fabric paint and started painting more ravens this morning. The difference is that I made them with a specific purpose in mind.
I did have an image in my head of what the fabric painting might look like, but I’m putting that aside.
I’m going to work on this piece one step at a time and let it tell me what to do.
First the raven. I’ll choose one from the paintings I did today and start with that. Then I’ll trust the process as I have learned to do with my art, and see where it goes.
I can’t wait to see what they tell you!
🙂
Raven sometimes seen as a shadow animal as some fear them and their mysterious ways and interesting how you named your fear (your shadow aspect), and it dissipated.
Yeah, Barb, I’m still sorting it out. But fear is like that isn’t it?
It definitely is in my experience. It seems each time I name and acknowledge a fear I can come to a more peaceful place about it. Not that it necessarily gets rid of the fear, but it leads me to knowing I can move through it and be okay. Hard to describe.
Naming is in a way knowing it. And for me a known fear is less than an unfamiliar one.