As I write this I can hear a Raven calling out my window.
It was sometime around 3am when I woke up. Covered in sweat I pushed off the sheet. Jon was sleeping beside me and I didn’t want to wake him.
So I lay in bed my mind swirling from one fear to another. Soon I was running through what I’d work in my studio this week.
On the good nights, I wake or half wake with images flashing around me. Ideas for the next piece. I can lay in bed and “look” through the fabric on my shelves, create a drawing on my sewing machine or come up with a new way of working.
But there was nothing creative about last night. It was all about fear, what I needed to do, hadn’t done or what I might not be able to do.
Finally, I got out of bed and went downstairs. I sat on the couch and meditated.
I focused on my breathing and asked for the truth. I don’t know how long it took for me to start to feel better. But as the fear started to wane, I thought of the raven.
I’m afraid to make the raven, I thought. And with that truth, the fear instantly evaporated like the fog it always was.
I have to admit, the Raven has always scared me.
Over a year ago when the ravens at the farm first caught my attention, I thought of working with their image. But they felt too dark to me. Like they were going to take me to a place I wasn’t ready to go.
But I’m ready for the Raven now. Even if it’s just because I can’t put it off any longer.
I eased into it by making a pillow for Jon. But today I started to work on the fabric painting I’ve been thinking about for over a year.
Using an old quilt for a backing I mixed up my fabric paint and started painting more ravens this morning. The difference is that I made them with a specific purpose in mind.
I did have an image in my head of what the fabric painting might look like, but I’m putting that aside.
I’m going to work on this piece one step at a time and let it tell me what to do.
First the raven. I’ll choose one from the paintings I did today and start with that. Then I’ll trust the process as I have learned to do with my art, and see where it goes.